tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3281988299399481712024-02-19T05:12:33.628-08:00An Austrian in ChicagoMy life as an Austrian in Chicago.The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-67600570282033251482012-10-01T08:23:00.001-07:002012-10-01T08:23:12.063-07:00Write, write, write - but about what?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So ... I've been gone for a while. Here is the thing. I would like to write. I often think to myself "I should blog about this!" but then I don't. </div>
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I am long beyond the mommy stage of "I don't have time to brush my hair, let alone blog!" so this is definitely not an excuse anymore. I'd like this blog to go into a certain direction, write about not just my life but a topic. I would like the people who follow me to actually be interested in what I write about. Being a European in Chicago - to be honest - that is not that much of an issue for me anymore. Yes, I still live in Chicago, yes, I get homesick sometimes but I have been here for 4 years now and while I still get asked where I am from sometimes (yay, weird, unidentifiable accent!) I have also become pretty good at the American art of small talk and keeping to myself what I really think. It's made my life a lot easier. I've made a few good friends - partly thanks to my gorgeous and wonderfully social 17 month old daughter, so I don't feel as alone anymore. I've taken up hobbies like drawing and playing the guitar and baking bread. At least the first two get me out of the house regularly, sans child. My photography business is getting ... busier. I have repeat clients now which is really nice. I even have clients that aren't friends (or at least they weren't before they became my clients). I've done a lot of work that I am very proud of and my confidence level has gone up a big notch. For the first time this year, I am not wondering if I am overcharging or if I really am a professional photographer. No, I AM a professional photographer. I studied a lot for this. I practiced a lot for this and I am quite good at this. </div>
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I have also turned 30 last year! And with that (and having my child that same year), I feel like I finally grew up. I also realized that I will never be a hot, young 20 year old who get's away with things purely because of how fresh-faced and lovely she is. Not that this ever happened to me but I used to think "If I could just fit into those skinny jeans and have the right hair-cut everything would just come to me!". And I realized that now, even if I COULD fit into those skinny jeans and have the perfect hair-cut, I would still never be a 20 year old again. That was a big realization but I think also part of growing up. It's sad but it's also a relief. I don't know if that makes any sense at all.</div>
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<br />During the last year, here is what I have been thinking about turning "An Austrian in Chicago" into:</div>
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<b>A beauty blog</b></div>
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This was probably the idea I played most with. I love beauty. Yes, just judge me now. I like make up and clothes and pretty things. I am a Libra, maybe that's why. I spend way too much money on new releases and way too much time looking all over town for them. And I don't really have anybody to share this hobby with. I read, probably 20 different beauty and nail polish blogs and I love the community. It's one of the most judgmental free communities I've seen on the internet. Show me a mommy-blog where there isn't somebody who wants to start a fight about how you brush your kids teeth. Hell, I've seen snark remarks and nastiness on cooking blogs! But the world of beauty is just ... beautiful. Also, it's always been my dream (my other dream, apart from being a photographer) to be a beauty editor for a magazine and this would make me feel like I was one. But I decided that if I do a beauty blog, I'd do a separate one and keep Austrian in Chicago a more personal blog. Also, I realized I am actually not all that great at doing make up. I mean, I can make it look decent but when I see people's smokey eyes where they use 15 different eye shadows whereas my smokey eye consists of me lining my eyes and then smudging it, I realize that maybe I am not one of the players. I guess I could still just do a swatch of whatever I buy and post a picture of it but that's kind of boring (for me). And it's not like that kind of thing doesn't exist already (<a href="http://www.temptalia.com/">Temptalia</a>). </div>
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<b>A Cooking Blog</b></div>
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I have really come to love cooking in the last few years and I've learned a ton from my favorite cooking blog <a href="http://www.thekitchn.com/">The Kitchn</a>. I also have come to really like food photography. It's definitely one of my passions. The reason I haven't started a cooking blog is simply that I am too lazy. Cooking blogs are a lot of work. </div>
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<b>A Mommy Blog</b></div>
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This would probably fit me best because, let's face it, my daughter takes up most of my time and I love talking about her but writing just about being a mommy, I don't know. I think if I'd do that I've have a hard time not being controversial because let's be honest - every decision you make as a mommy is scrutinized and judged and I don't think I'd like to open myself up to this. </div>
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<b>A fitness/nutrition blog</b></div>
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Confession time - it took me 16 months to lose the baby weight and I am still a pant size away from my wedding weight. I gained A LOT when I was pregnant. I am not sure how this happened, I had every intention of staying active and eating nothing but lentils and rainbows during my pregnancy but pelvic pain and milk shake cravings worked against me. I spent the first year of Linn's life trying to lose the weight by "breastfeeding and going for long walks" - just like Dr Sears told me in his book but it didn't do much. I finally started tracking my calories and I signed up for a really, really nice gym with a really, really nice daycare - a gym that I actually like to go to and that's how I lost 50 pounds in the last 4 months. I'd like to write more about this to keep myself "on track", I was even toying with the idea of posting pictures of everything I eat every day like the fabulous <a href="http://www.thekimchallenge.com/">Kim</a> but it was too much work in the end. </div>
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So in the end, I think I will just write about all of these things, whenever I feel like it. If I'd have to label this blog, I'd label it a "personal lifestyle blog". This will maybe not appeal to most readers but it might make me post more. And I'd like that.</div>
The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-14621615334753601102011-06-26T11:05:00.000-07:002011-06-26T11:05:34.537-07:00How It's Like To Be A Mommy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTUcyA_Sd6P9E_5utvSy03N62uOHKGZK6y8rFTTq5K6qPqT58-tzlBm4ktp88yPEqVvvI-OjDsCaYG_-02T9gwl4AUYbFfrAucCWqJrlLM5IZwdXVGLrD3DqyR8TV4rDKVx9FZ2K1jTPpE/s1600/linnea+juni-71.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTUcyA_Sd6P9E_5utvSy03N62uOHKGZK6y8rFTTq5K6qPqT58-tzlBm4ktp88yPEqVvvI-OjDsCaYG_-02T9gwl4AUYbFfrAucCWqJrlLM5IZwdXVGLrD3DqyR8TV4rDKVx9FZ2K1jTPpE/s400/linnea+juni-71.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>This little girl is my daughter - I will call her Little L on this blog. As of yesterday she is 8 weeks old and she is the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.<br />
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A question I have been getting a lot from my childless friends since she was born is "How is it REALLY like to be a mom?", "Come on, be honest!" they'll say while looking at me expectantly as if any other parent they ever asked that only told them lies.<br />
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So this is why I am writing this blog post here. Of course, motherhood is different for everybody. What I am experience is going to be very different from a single mother, living on welfare. I am aware that I am extremely privileged to not have to rush back to a 40-hour work-week after only getting to spend one month at home with my new daughter. I am privileged to have a husband who tries to share the job of parenthood as much as possible. I am privileged to have a healthy child and a safe home. I am privileged to have had an easy birth and health insurance who paid for most of my hospital charges.<br />
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You can pretty much say I had a baby in the best, possible conditions. Still, it's not easy. So I am going to give it to you straight. I am not going to dilly dally around. I am going to cut to the chase. And I am going to tell you how it's like to be a mommy.<br />
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First off I'd like to say - I love being a mom. I really do. I love every minute of it. It is the best thing that ever happened to me and while giving birth isn't a picnic and pushing out a little human was the most physically challenging thing I ever did (note to self - work out more during the next pregnancy and don't forget to do your kegels!) I still have very fond memories of giving birth. And if you find yourself pregnant and terrified of giving birth right now I'd like to tell you that - so was I. I was so scared. But nature has it's way to prepare you for giving birth. With me it was 5 days of constant early-labor contractions. By day three of not-sleeping and being in nearly constant pain, I was ready to give birth whatever it takes.<br />
Anyway - back to what you can expect after you give birth to your very own mini-me:<br />
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<b>*You will sleep less than you ever thought possible. </b><br />
About a week after Little L was born I started to hallucinate. Apparently that is a side effect of being extremely sleep deprived. It wasn't anything serious. I didn't see a dancing baby or white rabbits hopping around the apartment. But I did see doors closing out of the corner of my eye even though nobody was there to close the door and when I checked, the door was still open. I thought I saw something move and when I looked straight at what I thought had moved, there was no movement. A friend of mine told me "Wait till you are seriously sleep-deprived - you'll hear your breast pump starting to talk to you!". And she was right. Mine says "We like her". Though E insists the breast pump says something else.<br />
But there is hope. After a while baby will start sleeping longer. I still haven't had a solid seven hours of sleep but I have had the occasional five or six. Whenever I wake up and I see that I got to sleep five hours straight, I get all giddy. But as everybody will tell you - it get's better. I am the girl who used to need eight hours of sleep to function properly. Now I do ok with five. And if I get a nap in during the day, bringing the total up to six or seven hours of sleep, I do really, really well.<br />
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<b>*You will feel a kind of love that you have never felt before. </b><br />
The first week with Little L was intense. I felt such an overwhelming amount of love, it was incredible. And the love you feel for your child is different than what you feel for you partner or your parents. Nature made you love your baby so much, so you don't mind taking care of it (and you don't bring her back to the hospital, asking for a refund after the third sleepless night in a row). This love makes you so happy to be around your baby. It's deep and wonderful and a bit scary. After a few weeks, when the majority of the post-pregnancy hormones left your body, your feelings somewhat normalize. Though a friend and I were discussing if you actually start feeling less or if you are just getting used to the feeling of being so in love with your child.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkRYX_Mm4RbnaLmh5-GStc80jA81b9VScQF15LiM_DOEwlVU0s0oTLTxDLYfFnTiDSgyT5VaZ2-hPWLoGQ4PuP6iYiLQ86SIYNSDDeSuFEmpSPX-CMKyTWJeqMxywtN8FSkX_tADzT_Dh/s1600/linnea+juni-72.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkRYX_Mm4RbnaLmh5-GStc80jA81b9VScQF15LiM_DOEwlVU0s0oTLTxDLYfFnTiDSgyT5VaZ2-hPWLoGQ4PuP6iYiLQ86SIYNSDDeSuFEmpSPX-CMKyTWJeqMxywtN8FSkX_tADzT_Dh/s320/linnea+juni-72.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
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<b>*You might not want to have "me" time anymore.</b><br />
Before Little L was born I was worried about how it would be to have something attached to you (outside of your own body) 24/7. What is it like to never be able to just go to the hair dresser whenever I want to or go for a spontaneous bike ride on the beach. Well, honestly, this is hard but a lot less difficult than I expected it to be. Yes, you can't just get up and do whatever you want. Whenever we leave the house it involves planning and about an hour of preparation (my little one happens to not be a huge fan of being outside. I am working on changing this though). And then there is always the chance that she will have a melt-down and scream for 30 minutes straight when you are at Target and everybody looks at you like you are the worst mom that has ever lived and really, why can't you shut up your child, can't you see she is not happy? ... Uh, where was I?<br />
But anyway, I was surprised to find that I really don't like to be apart from her. Like, ever. I do take a break once a week when E stays with her, either to go on a bike ride or to get some shopping done that requires several stops and would be difficult to do with Little L. I enjoy those breaks - mostly because it's a lot easier to get stuff done when you don't have to hold and shush your baby to sleep while using your teeth to try to get your credit card out of your wallet in the check out line. But after a few hours (usually two hours) I start to really miss her. I look longingly at other people's babies and wish she was here with me. Every strangers baby's cry is like a stab in my heart, reminding me that I really should be home with Little L. What is she doing right now? Is she crying for her mommy? Does she think I abandoned her? Does she know I love her and that I will be back soon (with new curtains!)?<br />
I know there are new mommies out there who can't wait to get back to work and that's also ok. But I was surprised to find that I am very happy to not have to go back to work until I am ready for it.<br />
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<b>*You can eat later. Or not.</b><br />
I am not the kind of person who forgets to eat. I just am not. I love to eat and good food is very important to me. When I was pregnant I was hungry constantly. I would eat dinner, then a snack before bed (which I never used to do) and I would still often find myself lying awake at 4 in the morning, unable to sleep because I was so freaking hungry. I thought it was just me. I though, I just don't have any self-control and that's why I am eating so much. It go so bad, I had to have snacks with me at all times in case I was out doing something for longer than two hours.<br />
And then I gave birth and the hunger stopped. I know a lot of people only really start to have this feeling of hunger after they give birth because of breastfeeding but for me, even though I am breastfeeding, this has not been an issue. Quite on the contrary - it happened to me a lot in the beginning that I either couldn't find time to eat during the day or I simply wasn't hungry. I often only ate twice a day and I was fine. The problem is - when you don't eat enough, you don't produce enough milk (or at least, I didn't), so it's very important for me to eat healthily and regularly. It's getting better now but I still don't get very hungry.<br />
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<b>*You learn how to do almost everything one handed.</b><br />
Little L likes to be held. All. The. Time. I have a very emotionally needy baby and while I don't mind that most of the time, because I LOVE holding her, it can be annoying when you are, say, in a store. Or when you really, really need to go to the bathroom or when it's 4pm and you haven't had anything to eat or drink yet. Or if you just want to take those vitamins you were supposed to take with food, three times a day but you neither had food, yet nor can you reach those vitamins with your one, free arm.<br />
This has only been getting better this past week since we've found some new nursing positions that don't require me holding her with both hands but it's still difficult. I have a huge pile of unread magazines and the newest book from the Sookie Stackhouse novels (that I have been waiting for almost a year to come out) lying next to me - all pretty much untouched because it's really difficult to hold a book up with one hand while holding and nursing a baby. I now wish I would have gotten every book that I bought in the last 6 months on Kindle because not having to turn a page really would make my life much easier.<br />
So since I've been pretty much sofa-bound most of the time, nursing my little one, I have gotten very acquainted with the On Demand feature on my DVR. I have watched more reality TV in the last month than I have in the whole past year together. My IQ has probably gone down 50 points. However, I have learned a lot about editing to make people look stupid/cool/desirable/hated/... . If I ever get sick of being a mom and a photographer, I might have a future in reality TV production.<br />
By the way - that Bachelorette Ashley is completely delusional.<br />
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<b>*You get obsessed with the color of your baby's poop.</b><br />
Did you know your baby's poop can be green, yellow, black (in the first few days) or even orange and that's all normal? However - brown is not. Well, now you know.<br />
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<b>*My baby is a genius!</b><br />
People who talk about how their baby is so advanced are really annoying. Aren't they? So your baby could walk at 8 months, big deal. That will be very useful for him when he is 18.<br />
That's how I used to think. Now that I have a (very advanced, of course) baby myself, all I want is to talk about how amazingly smart she is. She socially smiled at us when she was 4 weeks old! She can already roll over! Well, our pediatrician thinks it's cool. You know, I don't want to be "that mom". The one that always compares her baby to other babies and who can't stop bragging about how amazingly developed my child is, so I am trying really hard to just shut up. But man, it's hard.<br />
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<b>*You know what Little L did the other day?</b><br />
Related to the baby bragging is the "I can't shut up about that cute thing my child did yesterday". I have a few friends who still went out with me occasionally even after they had a baby and I loved them for not constantly bringing up the kids in conversation. I foolishly thought that was because they were happy to get to talk about something else then dirty diapers for a change. I now realize that I was wrong, at least partly. Of course it's nice to get to talk about other stuff but when you are the mom of a baby or even a toddler, your child is the most important thing in your life. You can have a really amazing job but you'll still want to talk about how your baby had the cutest smile after she farted the other day or how she said something that sounded like "Mama" last night. I now wonder if it took a lot of restraint for my friends to not break out the baby stories. This has been another tough one for me. Hopefully I'll get better at it soon before I alienate all my childless friends.<br />
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I could probably write a whole book about the subject on how it feels to be a new mom but I'll leave it at this.<br />
It's a wonderful experience and much easier and at the same time much more difficult than I ever expected. But I wouldn't want it to be any other way. It's awesome and fantastic and it makes me happier than I've ever been.The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-9108749200226454072011-03-31T11:56:00.000-07:002011-03-31T12:26:30.852-07:00I Want to Ride My Bicycle<div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="n536681827_309781_4063.jpg" src="webkit-fake-url://7A365198-9185-484C-9BE5-EEFCEBE167AA/n536681827_309781_4063.jpg" /></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">De Salamander - a windmill I used to cycle past on my way to work</div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">I've been very lucky so far to have a very healthy pregnancy. I had a few scares but they all turned out to be false alarms. I have the typical late pregnancy aches and pains but so far (and I am just a little over four weeks from my due date) I didn't develop any of the scary pregnancy diseases like pre-eclampsia or diabetes or even simply high blood pressure. </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">By far the worst pregnancy symptom I've had is being very, very hormonal. Don't get me wrong. I am trying hard to not be one of those pregnant furies who people don't want to come around. I try to be reasonable and friendly, despite getting so annoyed by the world, some days, that I just want to dig a big hole and hide in there until this whole thing is over.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">To people who don't understand how it feels like to be hormonal (like, for example if you are a man) - it feels like any feeling you have is 100x intensified. I wonder if that's how bipolar people feel. I've cried more in the last 3 months than I've cried in the last three years together. A song that reminds me of something - crying. Bad news - crying. The baby I used to babysit doesn't stop crying - neither can I!</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">According to what I've read this is only going to get worse after the baby is born. At least for a little while.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">I've been trying to find ways to deal with this abundance of feelings. I found one good way to deal with it is to turn on some music and go into full nesting mode - cleaning, organizing, planning. I do it for hours until I collapse onto the sofa to spend the rest or the day watching re-runs of "<a href="http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills">The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills</a>" and "<a href="http://www.hgtv.com/house-hunters/show/index.html">House Hunters</a>" on HGTV. </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">Another way is to get lost in a really, really good book. Unfortunately I never know what I am going to be in the mood for. Last summer I plowed through all the books from the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sookie-Stackhouse-8-copy-Boxed-Blood/dp/0441018238/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1301597615&sr=8-3">Sookie Stackhouse novels</a> in about a month. Last month I finally found something as captivating - I read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hunger-Trilogy-Boxset-Suzanne-Collins/dp/0545265355/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301597663&sr=1-4">"The Hunger Games"-trilogy</a> in about a week. I am still looking for a worthy successor to these amazing books. Every book I start now seems boring to me. </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">But when I am really upset and I need a quick fix I turn to something I learned from meditating. Not classic, sitting down closing your eyes and saying "ohm" meditating. I am too impatient for that. When meditating I imagine the most beautiful and peaceful memory I have. The most beautiful memories I have are of my wedding, my bachelorette party and my honeymoon but the most beautiful and peaceful memory I can come up with is of me cycling to and from work in the Netherlands. For a while I would cycle to work and back two or three times a week - an 18 mile bike ride through Dutch meadows with grazing, black and white spotted cows, next to canals and tulip fields. If it didn't rain, the weather was always just right - since it hardly ever gets too hot in Holland. You could smell the grass, the morning dew and the blooming flowers in the air. I chose a bit of a longer route to be able to be solely on bike paths and far from the roads. I could feel the sun on my face and the wind, coming off the canals, in my hair. I would go as fast as I possibly could. For some reason the Dutch are not fast cyclist even though they are practically born on a bike, so I would almost always be faster than most people - sometimes even faster than the racing bikers. The Dutch approach cycling like they approach everything in life - you'll do what you need to get there but it doesn't really matter how long it takes.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">Me and my purple bike <a href="http://www.tange.be/images/fotos/puch-limited-205-trendy_gro.jpg">Hilda</a> and our early morning hour of solitude. Hilda was and will always be the best bike I ever had. She was comfortable but fast at the same time. She was the exact right size for me and even though I had to have her fixed more often than I had to fix my other bikes, I'd still always chose her above any other bike, would her brand of bicycles be available in the US. </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">I've tried to develop the same kind of relationship to my bikes here but I couldn't even come up with a name.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">Since cycling gives me so much joy, I continued cycling when I came to the US. But it's not the same. Part of the problem is the lack of bicycle paths in Chicago. Though Chicago is actually very good when it comes to having bike paths for US standards - it is very lacking compared to the Netherlands. And even though we HAVE bike paths, that doesn't mean the cars honor them. And then there is the ever-imminent danger of being "doored" - meaning that people who park their car are not looking out and might open the door right into your face. Many cyclists have had accidents this way - some have died. I've had a few near accidents like that myself.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">This is why I decided to stop cycling when I got pregnant. So I haven't been cycling in about 8 months and I really miss it. Of course, this is Chicago and the last 5 months it's been too cold to cycle anyway.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">I learned to cycle when I was 4 years old. My family didn't have a car, so public transportation, walking and cycling were our only means of transportation. We did a lot of bike tours to the surroundings of Vienna or to the city beaches of the "Old Danube" on the weekends. I've always seen myself as one of these women with a <a href="http://www.bikekidshop.com/cart/images/chariot-cabriolet-bike-child-trailer-stock-M.jpg">kid car</a> or bike seat attached to my bike, cycling around town with my baby but now I am not sure if that's something I will be able to do. It's just too dangerous here. And really, there isn't too much nature to enjoy either. </div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">So maybe cycling will become "me-time" and something I'll mostly get to enjoy when I have an hour to myself.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">Nevertheless, I'll always have the memory of me cycling through the fields of Zuid Holland. I hope one day I can cycle this stretch with my husband and our kids and show them why it means so much to me.</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">What is your happy memory?</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-75512785743021758852011-01-27T11:22:00.000-08:002011-01-27T11:22:22.869-08:00What's Going On<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhdM6PdxZAqP2l-lBql77JjxYsbK0SFjlffsWOzHUTKYIG-3tHTbQ8O1oFhBCy4nOiP-Ct3DqCahP-Z9wrKisDqx2SQ8daeOOipT62vrn2tNvpIRzFiBbKaHVRVJJyLsTjjAQY3Cqpd5f5/s1600/IMG_0372.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhdM6PdxZAqP2l-lBql77JjxYsbK0SFjlffsWOzHUTKYIG-3tHTbQ8O1oFhBCy4nOiP-Ct3DqCahP-Z9wrKisDqx2SQ8daeOOipT62vrn2tNvpIRzFiBbKaHVRVJJyLsTjjAQY3Cqpd5f5/s320/IMG_0372.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My kitty Anouk - just because she's cute</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">It's been a long time! I don't think that anybody is actually still reading this but I'll post anyway. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">There is a reason for my extended absence - well - a few actually. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Number one reason for me was that I had gotten really annoyed by myself. I felt like I was repeating myself constantly on this blog and I really had nothing new to write about.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">And then something happened that I could have written about but I decided to keep this a secret for a little longer, maybe because I am a bit superstitious, or just because I felt it was private and I was not ready to share these news with the world.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">So here is the big reveal to all of you who don't know me personally (because those of you who do, would most likely know this already). I am knocked up! Preggers! Bun in the oven! I am having a little life growing inside of me!</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The little girl is expected to make her appearance in late April/early May and so far it's been going great. The first trimester was a bit of a drag, as I think it is for most expecting women but I am almost done with my second trimester now and I am doing really well and so is the baby.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Only a handful of people knew about it until I was 20 weeks along which is when we told "the world". The response has been pretty positive so part of me thinks that it would have been nice to come out with the news earlier but at the same time I am glad I got to avoid the "Don't forget to take your vitamins!" and "Take care of yourself - don't forget you are not responsible just for yourself anymore!" for a little bit longer. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Seriously, I don't know why people think it's ok to treat pregnant women like 4 year old children. I am going to be 30 this year! This pregnancy was planned - which shouldn't come as a surprise given that I have been married for a few years now and we are financially stable, so why would people assume that I don't take my vitamins and don't eat my vegetables? I could understand if my doctor would tell me these things but my doctor doesn't because my doctor actually knows that I am a grown up.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am often tempted to respond to "Take good care of yourself" with "Oh yeah, I am going to, right after I get done with my bungee jump - I am going to have a few drinks for courage though!".</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Also - I have never been in touch with my body like I am now. I don't know if it's the same for every pregnant woman but I can feel when I haven't been taking care of myself as well as I should have. If I forget to take my iron pills for a day or two, I get cracks on the side of my mouth. When I don't get enough fruits and veggies in my diet (like around Christmas) I get little, painful blisters in my mouth. No work-out has ever made me feel as great as my prenatal work-outs make me feel now. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I used to have this exotic, rainforest plant that would look really sad if I'd forget to water it one day. That made it really easy for me to not forget to water it because you could see immediately if the plant was suffering. Well, my body is like that plant now. It is very unforgiving. I hope it stays that way after I give birth!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">What else is new? We are house hunting and I have been spending way too much time watching House Hunters on HGTV. And then we found a condo we love and everything seemed perfect but now there are problems, so we don't know what will happen with that for another few weeks. With the impending birth of our child we do hear a little clock ticking in the back of our heads. If we'd know that we definitely don't get the place, we'd start to try and make due with what we have in our rental apartment but like this we see no reason to turn our cluttered office room into a baby room. People keep on telling me that this is stuff I can worry about once the baby is here but usually people who tell me this have no kids and thus have not experienced the terrifying force of the nesting instinct. Right now I feel like a starving mouse, trapped under a glass jar, with a bunch of cheese right there on the other side of the jar, unreachable to me.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">So I am trying to focus this nesting instinct in another direction. I started my photography business last year and following the advice of a photographer friend, I now got myself an accountant. This accountant is great and her tips on taking care of my finances really inspired me to completely re-organize my little office space. I got myself Microsoft Office for my Mac and I am a little bit embarrassed about how excited I am about this. Spreadsheets! Organization! Tables! </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I learned how to use Word/Excel/Powerpoint in school 15 years ago and had been using it for work for years. It feels strangely comforting to use it for my own business now. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I think it reminds me of my school days. I ended up going to business school even though I really wanted to go to Art school. Designing flyers and posters for my marketing classes, making fancy Power Point presentations and having my Excel tables look really professional was the only creative outlet I had in school which is maybe why I am so attached to the Office package now even though I am strictly a Mac person otherwise.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Pregnant, in the market to become a first-time home-owner, my own company and my own accountant. I feel pretty grown up right now!</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-29983881245235307902010-08-14T07:42:00.000-07:002010-08-14T07:46:51.977-07:00On getting old as a 28 year old<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo_LJifQYk29zEUEIwW3cGt60ht1EP_PpIs_zKdHhxSmKcCDcj6aUaONGkYJjZoOeisrwPhTimZb0ODdbTnyT5hCQhX_vg3xFyXNSjJwxZqXsuZ3Ht0M9DiVC3bi46lVzqBYJD4rzAAZpd/s1600/IMG_0470.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo_LJifQYk29zEUEIwW3cGt60ht1EP_PpIs_zKdHhxSmKcCDcj6aUaONGkYJjZoOeisrwPhTimZb0ODdbTnyT5hCQhX_vg3xFyXNSjJwxZqXsuZ3Ht0M9DiVC3bi46lVzqBYJD4rzAAZpd/s320/IMG_0470.JPG" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Recently I have found myself doing a lot of old people stuff.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I first noticed it when I was in Amsterdam. My friends there (who are all a few years older than me) were in a party mood. They went out every night until the sun came up. Not so much E and I. We'd go home at 2am at the latest. 5 hour sleep nights just don't play well with me. Don't get me wrong, I still like to go out, drink and be merry but I also like to be home and in my own bed not too long after midnight.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I couldn't even blame the jet lag - according to the jet lag I should have been able to stay up until the early morning hours with no problem.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">On Queensnight - the party-night before Queensday - the day that everybody goes wild and orange - I even got a bit bothered by the crowds that had gotten to an uncomfortable level of drunkenness. Aggressiveness, mixed with touch of horny was buzzing in the air. I was wondering if there ever was a time when I liked that and I am pretty sure there was. Maybe I was just too waisted to notice back then.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I remember the first time I felt like I was no longer a spring chicken. It must have been 3 or 4 years ago. Two of my best friends and I went to Vondelpark with a bottle of wine in hand after dark. I spent every summer in Amsterdam, in my early 20s that way - wine in the park on a blanket. Cheap and romantic. When we tried to find a place to sit on the grass that day we found that wasn't a good idea. The grass was a bit wet and we didn't want to get grass stains on our nice pants. So we were looking for a bench to sit on. We found a bench but after about 5 minutes on the bench, mosquitos started attacking us.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Defeated, we decided to go to a bar instead.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">But not only do I find myself not wanting to go out as much, I also have started talking like an old person. And I am realizing - I am not turning into my mom (as the world keeps on telling me I should) - I am turning into my grandma.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">It is very odd. I had never been a fan of using sayings but now old Austrian proverbs pop up in my head like mushrooms in a forrest. My favorite one is "The only thing I HAVE TO DO is die!" as an answer to "But you HAVE TO!". Let me tell you one thing though - do not use this proverb on a 3.5 year old. It is apparently a very disturbing thing to say to a toddler.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Another favorite of my grandma, that I have to force back the urge to use: "A soccer player/indian (native American) doesn't know pain" in response to "Ouch!".</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Another indicator that I am getting old is the reminiscing. Sometimes my husband and I reminisce back to times when there were no cell phones, no internet. One of my proudest teenager moments was when I aced an essay on evolution in my biology class. I wrote a five page essay on my old typewriter, I cut out pieces, I photocopied pictures of amoebas and monkeys and cut and pasted all of these manually into a, if I may say so, nicely written article on evolution of mankind which I then photocopied again to make it look like a magazine piece. I got the best grade in class and after that on every essay the kids in class (who had actual computers and color printers - but not the internet because people back then didn't have the internet yet) tried to outdo me with their presentations and their cutting and pasting. Today these things are not the same. I see it with my photography - I used to shoot film until only a few years ago and you can't do nearly as much editing with film. Nowadays you can be a mediocre photographer and still have acceptable photos if you know your editing (however I don't believe that you can cancel out bad photography all together by good editing).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I remember a conversation some friends recently had about the internet:</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Friend 1: "What did people do when they had an argument about who is right back when they couldn't google it?"</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Silence. Thinking.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Friend 2: "I don't know. I guess they went to the library and looked it up in a dictionary?"</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Good old times.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-5924844199680657902010-07-19T13:06:00.000-07:002010-07-19T13:06:31.007-07:00Achtung Baby<div style="text-align: justify;"><span id="goog_738343033"></span><span id="goog_738343034"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have been writing a lot about how it feels like to move to America as a European. There are good things and bad things and I'd say despite the obvious, cultural differences between the US and Western Europe - everybody will have their own experience, their own way of seeing things and experiencing life.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">But what I want to write about today is something that is going to be important for everybody who moves to America and lives here for the first time - especially for people, who like me - come here on a spouse visa. I am talking about credit score.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">In America if your credit score is bad, you can't get a loan, you can't buy a house or a car. If your credit score is really bad, you can't get a phone either. If your credit score is good, your life is going to be a whole lot easier.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I knew about the whole credit score thing when I first moved here but I didn't know that you have to work on it. In Europe (at least the countries I have lived in) you either have credit or you have bad credit. If you screw up a few time, like pay your bills late or not at all - or worst - get sent to a collection agency - you are being put on file, which means you have less chances of getting a loan or you will be getting a smaller loan. You get the picture. But if you never get in trouble but also never get a credit card - well - that's good. You don't have to have a credit card to have good credit in Europe. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">This is different in America. While I kind of knew the principles of that when I moved here, it took me almost 2 years to fully realize how much I have been impacted by that.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I had my first experience with my credit score not being good enough at Old Navy. I buy most of my clothes at Old Navy and GAP which belong together and share a store card (don't judge - I need comfortable clothes as a nanny). As always, the girl at the check out asked me if I'd be willing to sign up for an Old Navy/GAP store card to save 10% on my purchase that day. And since I had bought a lot that day I said, ok, why not? I put in all my info. We were waiting for credit confirmation and 10 minutes later the shop girl got a call, turned around and faced me with a look of embarrassment "I am sorry but I won't be able to give you the card today. You haven't been rejected but we can't give you a card.". I was very embarrassed but I thought maybe I gave her the wrong social security number. At that point I sometimes still mixed up the numbers in my social security number.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I got home and there was a letter from my bank, asking me to sign up for a credit card that would get me air miles. I had just talked to a friend about that exact kind of credit card and she told me that she had recently been able to get an airplane ticket to Hawaii with her saved up air miles. I though, that would be a good thing for me. Of course - I was rejected. The reason "You recently tried for a store card and were rejected."</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Alright, that must have been because of the mix up with the Old Navy store card.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I waited a few months and then again tried to apply for a GAP card. This time - online. A week later, I received a letter. Another rejection. The reason - I didn't have enough credit history in this country. Finally - at least I knew what was going on! </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Fast forward a few more weeks. After almost two years with the crappiest phone in America, I wanted to upgrade to the new iPhone. I stood in line at the Apple store for 4.5 hours - not something I would normally do but I had decided I wanted it and I waited. Finally, I got to fill out my data. A small part of me was afraid that there was going to be a problem with my credit. And - of course there was. AT&T wanted me to pay a $500 deposit to get my phone. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now, imagine this - you waited in line for 4.5 hours to be told you have to pay that amount of money. What would you do? I tell you what I did - I agreed. Because before that I shared a phone contract with my husband. In fact EVERYTHING was on my husbands name - the electricity bill, the cable service, the phone, the bank account. For some this might sound like a wonderful, liberating thing to not have to care about anything and be completely taken care off. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Not for me. This is a woman who took care of a sick mother and grandmother since I was a child. At age thirteen I personally went to social services and got us social help money so we wouldn't be homeless. This is somebody who moved out at 17 years old to be independent from my family and still managed to finish school. I am not somebody who enjoys being a dependent, helpless person. And please - this has nothing to do with me not trusting my husband who is one of the kindest, most caring people I have ever met. This is about me being a grown up who takes care of herself.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">So I paid this fee, I got my own phone contract and I made an appointment with my bank to discuss how to improve my credit rating (and how to get a business account - since I am now a business owner). </div><div style="text-align: justify;">And here is the funny thing - it turns out that through a bank error my social security number had never been connected with my bank account (the one I share with my legal, American husband). I find it borderline hilarious that in a country that is so afraid of illegal immigrants, somebody could have and use a bank account, a credit card even - without having a social security number added to it. I was also surprised how the bank clerk acted like this was not a big deal. I lost almost two years on collecting positive credit rating thanks to a bank mistake and it means nothing?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">So my advise to everybody who is coming to this country as a legal immigrant - make sure your social security number is entered. Make sure some utilities are on your name. If your bank offers you a credit card, take it and use it. You'll save yourself a lot of grief later.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-16305253569872725042010-06-29T20:44:00.000-07:002010-06-29T20:44:11.564-07:00A Chicago photo a day<div style="text-align: justify;">When was on holidays in the Netherlands I asked my closest friends who live there why none of them had come to visit me in the 1.5 years I have been here. Some of them really can't afford it and I understand that. It was really expensive for me to go to Europe and I didn't just visit one friend when I went.</div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">But some of them took other trips to far away lands which were just as expensive as a ticket to Chicago. So I asked some more questions and I realized that it might have been partly my own fault: I had made Chicago look pretty bad. One friend asked me if there was enough to do in Chicago for a one week stay! </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I must have made Chicago look like one of the worst, most boring places on the planet!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I know I have had a few posts where I was talking about all the stuff I love about Chicago - the lake, the people, the different cultures/neighborhoods, the festivals, the newly emerging foodie culture, the live music! Chicago is a pretty awesome place to live. The problem I had was that I didn't have much of a social circle to enjoy all of these wonderful things with which made me not enjoy Chicago the way I wanted to.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Well, I am slowly starting to build that social circle and I am enjoying Chicago more than ever.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">For those friends of mine who for some reason can't come to visit me or for people who would like to know more about Chicago or for people who love Chicago already and want to see as much of it as possible - I created a second blog:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://austrianinchicagophoto.blogspot.com/">One Chicago Photo A Day</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I won't write much on that other blog. This blog is for writing and musing and complaining. The other blog is just to show what I get to see ... to enjoy ... everyday.</div></div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-70763941950341938812010-06-25T10:12:00.001-07:002010-06-25T12:01:55.038-07:00Please, please, please ...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic9dif8tE6zEAhFmETN39SnELFyMVoP8b8xD4a4IE_awQzWVMFniKMEB8zXfenpQXG8CuF_0B0uASaYu4_Iqzh9j65atTBc1JIHWWSBkZawya6nXYtHU6nUMaBSgosH7ihPl6wSrujuOEh/s1600/IMG_1970.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic9dif8tE6zEAhFmETN39SnELFyMVoP8b8xD4a4IE_awQzWVMFniKMEB8zXfenpQXG8CuF_0B0uASaYu4_Iqzh9j65atTBc1JIHWWSBkZawya6nXYtHU6nUMaBSgosH7ihPl6wSrujuOEh/s400/IMG_1970.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5486787760203342146" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A friend of mine had this status update on Facebook the other day:</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>"</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Is having a really good week and can't help thinking something extra crap is lurking to compensate for it!"</i></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It initially annoyed me. And then I started wondering why. I believe that often when traits in people annoy you it is because it is a trait that you don't like in yourself. And this was definitely one of these cases. </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I used to be really superstitious about these things. I always thought bad things happen to me all the time and if I'd have a good day something bad would have to happen to even out the world. Also - if I had a really bad day and I was wearing a new piece of jewelry I'd brand this necklace or ring or whatever "evil" and I would never wear it again. Needless to say, I now realize that was really stupid.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You know that Smiths song "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMQbzLrvwlE">Please, please, please, let me get what I want</a>"? It goes like this:</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Good times for a change </i></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>See, the luck I've had </i></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Can make a good man </i></span></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Turn bad </i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>So please please please </i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Let me, let me, let me </i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Let me get what I want </i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>This time </i></span></span></div></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I have been really into the Smiths recently and I especially love this song. I was driving around with E and I played this song for him and he said "That's such a whiney song." and I thought that as much as I love that song - it is quite self-indulgent. And I don't feel that way anymore about myself. I don't feel like only bad things happen to me. In fact - I think my life has been pretty kind to me in recent years.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It's not always been easy though. Living in Amsterdam was fantastic. My social life was out of this world, my friends were my family and to see the beauty of this city every day was breathtaking. But it certainly wasn't easy. I moved houses about 10 times just in Amsterdam because the landlord decided to raise the rent or they tore down the house I was living in or I couldn't stand my roommate. Me and my cat against the world. Working a call center job I often didn't make ends meet. I had one month I was living on nothing but ramen noodles because I couldn't afford anything else. But even then this song wouldn't have applied to me (even though, I probably would have thought it did) because good things did happen to me. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I have been having a few bad days after having months and months of good stuff coming my way and it's been bringing me down (I might or might not write about that later) but I use that Smiths song as a reminder that good things do come to me. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So please, please, please you guys - do me the favor and don't think that you are doomed and don't use the expression "<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fml">FML</a>" just because you have to work overtime that day or something doesn't work out the way you want it. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Good things will come your way if you let them.</span></span></div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-89966080913283753112010-06-18T11:24:00.000-07:002010-06-18T13:00:06.203-07:00USA vs Europe<div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFar-l8h5rIHEJXLwj_LosNcSkNfMdRmheXhQBdFA4Hg39-KxuT10ClkWx7aeSAkH7FC4ofSiuJTTzSx_XLdaknuEm6WxicJMhyphenhyphenyOkfqqWMMUPl4WImJfkI9nJ_8ysqu19DFZeHz-ws0Px/s400/IMG_7011.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484203094402597202" /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Amsterd</span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">am</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>This is absolutely not going to be a post about the world cup.<div><br /></div><div>Just to warn you.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yesterday I had lunch with a new friend that I met through my networking (making new friends who do the same stuff you do is a very welcome side effect of networking). She used to live in New York and has been in Chicago about as long as I have been here. She is originally from the mid-west though, so I expected her to have no problem to get used to the cultural differences.</div><div><br /></div><div>To my surprise she told me that she experienced some of the same issues I have encountered living in Chicago. People are super nice - I mean really - ever since I have been living here, my standards for good behavior and friendliness have gone way up. So you meet somebody new and you feel like you have a connection and you'd like to hang out with that person more but they are just not interested. You get to know a lot of people but ... not really. People don't open up as much.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was very surprised to hear that from an American who has lived in the US all her life and even is kind of from the area.</div><div><br /></div><div>Funnily enough I heard the same thing from my friends in Holland (who are all expats) about Dutch people. And I heard the same thing from my friends who have lived in the US as expats - all over the US.</div><div><br /></div><div>Which brings up the question - is it just harder to make friends the older you get? I was fortunate to get to experience the whole expat circle for seven years because now I realize that it was a very special community. I met new people almost every week and I stayed in contact with a lot of them.</div><div><br /></div><div>The day we arrived back in the Netherlands for our trip abroad, we went to a bar to meet up with some of our old friends. We had invited everybody we know in South Holland and to our surprise - most of them showed up. There was a whole bar full of our friends, waiting for us. It was pretty overwhelming (thank you all for coming out, you guys!). I had tears in my eyes walking home that night and I couldn't walk past our old apartment without touching the front door and peeking through the window to see if the new inhabitants made it as homely as we once did.</div><div><br /></div><div>The following two weeks were a whirlwind of social engagements. My phone rang more in these two weeks than it had in the 19 months I spent living in the US all together. I felt loved and missed and it really was everything I could have hoped for. </div><div><br /></div><div>One highlight was seeing my old boss again who was now no longer my boss but a friend. She came out for dinner and a drink despite getting her wisdom teeth out that day. </div><div><br /></div><div>Going out with my girls I felt like the 21 year old I once was, dancing and singing, uninhibited like I haven't been in years. I no longer was somebodies boss or even somebodies employee. I didn't have to behave. I could be myself and it felt so good.</div><div><br /></div><div>The first week was pure bliss. We had nice weather - which shouldn't really make much of a difference - but it does, especially in Amsterdam. I was still high on happiness from seeing all my friends again. </div><div>The second week was still great. I am so thankful for any minute more I got to spend with these people that I love so much but slowly the things that annoyed me when I lived in the Netherlands started seeping through - the bad customer service, the rudeness, the people who cut in line, how stuff just doesn't work. </div><div><br /></div><div>Part of me thinks I should not have waited a year and a half to go back to Europe, another part thinks that it might have been a good thing because things have been going ok for me recently and I have felt less homesick to Europe then I did in 2009. I am starting to meet people, I am starting to develop a business (by the way, I registered my photography business a few days ago - I am now a business owner!) - I am going were I am meant to go and I am doing things I like.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since I have been back in America I have been feeling much, much better about living here. I think I am finally ready to settle down. Will we be living in Chicago for the rest of our lives, I don't know - maybe - maybe not. But right now I am ok here.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you are in an stable financial position (meaning - you don't need any social help and you have a place to live/stable income) - life in the US is worlds easier than it is anywhere else (ok, I can really only speak for Europe here since I have only been to Europe and the US) because everything is catered to your needs. Stores are open all the time, customer service is wonderful, you can pretty much do all your shopping online, if you want to find a restaurant or a hair dresser or a dog groomer or whatever - you can go to any of the websites like Yelp and find the best. Everything seems easier here. And I have to say this is something I have come to value.</div><div><br /></div><div>Of course it is also summer and even though we've had a lot of rain and scorchingly hot, humid weather here - summer in Chicago is a wonderful thing - festivals and the lake and BBQs and Cubs games and building sandcastles on the beach with the child I am watching instead of playing tea party for hours and farmers markets and ice cold Pabst Blue Ribbon and cycling and streets with canopies of trees and fresh tomatoes and Lollapalooza ...</div><div><br /></div><div>Enjoy your summer - wherever you are!</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-80999667159682989502010-06-11T11:23:00.001-07:002010-06-11T11:26:14.514-07:00No Longer Just Aspiring<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><br /><span style=" margin-top: 0px;font-size:0.9em;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinestern/4686533589/">IMG_2200-2</a><br /> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/alinestern/">Aline Stern Photography</a></span></div><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4005/4686533589_c5e7536661_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /><div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So, I went to Europe and then I went to San Francisco and I had two amazing holidays and I am going to need to talk about that more but right now - I want to talk about something else. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I want to talk about dreams and aspirations.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One thing I have learned since living in the US is that you have to have a goal. Something to aspire too. And then you need to make a plan and you need to talk to people and find information on it and then you need to work really hard to get to were you want to get to.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">For the first time, maybe in my life, I know exactly what I want.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The last six months I spent taking classes, updating my equipment and taking a million and one photographs. Of everything - my coffee cup, my friends, the cafe in Amsterdam I used to hang out at a lot ... I also went out and talked to people. I forced myself to get out of my shell - and believe me - I am still forcing myself every day. This is not something that comes natural to me - as I have said before. I am not an introvert person - I am just shy. Once I know people a bit more, I am actually quite extrovert but being in a group of 30 people and I not knowing them - it's tough. But it's necessary.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Taking those classes did wonders for my self confidence. Do I think I am all that now? No. I have to work a lot harder to get where I want to get to. What is my ultimate goal? I want to take pictures like Annie Leibovitz. Obviously she has 20 years of experience on me. She has better equipment. She is most likely way more talented than I am but if I am going to aspire to something, I am not going to chose somebody who is just a little bit better than me. Because, whats the point? </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The thing I like most about my photography is that it gets better with every shoot. What I can do with lighting after taking several classes on lighting, compared to what I could do in November last year - is WORLDS different. And the mere fact that I am not afraid of taking pictures in low light situations anymore - it opens a whole other world of photography for me.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But as I said - I am still working and learning and taking classes and while I am starting to get some paid work (and hopefully it will be more and more) - I don't think I will ever stop learning and hopefully continue to improve. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Don't get me wrong - it's all a slow process. I have been taking pictures for 15 years. I took my first class when I was 13 or 14 years old. And only now am I getting to a stage where I feel comfortable enough (sort of) to ask people to pay me for my work. And now I am in the process of having the people around me to take my photography serious. I have had a lot of people tell me "So you are taking this whole photography thing serious now, huh?" and to be honest - that bothers me a little bit. Because I have been taking it "serious" for years - I was just not confident enough to point it out. I have called myself an "aspiring photographer" for way to long. I am a PHOTOGRAPHER, dammit. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">But at the same time I have gotten so much support from friends and family. It's really overwhelming and I am so thankful to have such great people in my life!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So - the bottom line is - find a goal and find a way to get there! It might take years, it might take me 20 years to get to the stage I want to get to with my photography. But I won't give up.</div></div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-70975555122032023522010-04-21T18:09:00.000-07:002010-04-21T19:46:21.387-07:00One volcano, four countries, three different stories<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-jJeKnm8hJutxIP0mrB7jMOt6KPAPN-yGokm3TYqbL-ETl5JuxK3lFq9aOPnUC8-S1S0fL0t7JKfaCWO2Jn7C7mDZd3GvdjR8IaxtW35SFiuFtnDBJEItOpJGw9w90fkoPBh7qek6LxF/s1600/lost.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 303px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-jJeKnm8hJutxIP0mrB7jMOt6KPAPN-yGokm3TYqbL-ETl5JuxK3lFq9aOPnUC8-S1S0fL0t7JKfaCWO2Jn7C7mDZd3GvdjR8IaxtW35SFiuFtnDBJEItOpJGw9w90fkoPBh7qek6LxF/s400/lost.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5462787453607250706" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Don't try to figure this picture out if you are not caught up on Lost)</span></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia, serif;font-size:medium;">Unless you just woke up from a coma, you probably have heard about the whole volcano-out break-flight situation. I mean, even my mom heard about it and she doesn't have TV or radio and she doesn't read newspapers.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">On Friday afternoon E and I are scheduled to take a flight from Chicago O'Hare to Amsterdam Schiphol airport. And while it looks pretty promising right now with flights seemingly going back to normal, I am only going to be happy when the plane I am scheduled to board in two days, safely lands on Dutch soil (and I am on it). </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Ever since I first heard about the volcano eruption, I wanted to be/stay as updated as possible. I was watching American morning news at that time and I was sure they would report about this. After all, when Michael Jackson died, hell, even when Corey Haim died, they had ample coverage on that. But apart from <a href="http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/4515729">Al Roker</a> doing his weather forecast from Iceland, there wasn't really anything. Some channels mentioned it but nothing that gave me more info then I already had - that a volcano had erupted in Iceland and that there was restricted air travel in Europe. Clearly most Americans aren't that interested in what is going on over there in Europe (or that's what the news channels think).</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Next stop - CNN. I don't really watch CNN that much. Funnily enough I used to watch CNN a lot when I was living in Europe. Towards the end of my time in Europe, I watched a lot more <a href="http://www.euronews.net/">Euronews</a> than CNN but for a long time CNN Europe was one of my favorite news sources. Unfortunately CNN is not what I remember it to be. I am not sure if that is because I have changed and become more critical or if CNN has changed. A bit of both, perhaps. Anyway - CNN didn't only have news they had THE news. According to CNN - Europe was in chaos. And that </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Eyjafjallajokull wasn't even that much of a problem. But what if the volcano next to it erupts? Because according to CNN that was almost definitely going to happen and then, folks, then we'd really be in trouble. How much trouble, CNN didn't want to say but it would be BAD.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">This got me so scared, I decided to forego American news altogether and instead focus on European news. After all, Europe was a bit more personally invested in this whole <a href="http://www.dict.cc/german-english/Schlamassel.html">schlamassel</a>.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">Of course this meant I didn't check <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/">The New York Times</a> - which I usually consider a good news source.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">Next on was the BBC. <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/">BBC News</a>, while still having a bit of a sensationalist edge to their news reporting ("Watch interviews with angry, stranded people! Are you stranded and want to tell us your story?"), was a lot more informative.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">But still, they didn't give me the info I wanted.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">Next on, I went to read the website of the Austrian newspaper <a href="http://derstandard.at/">Der Standard</a>. I'll be honest with you - I don't really keep up with Austrian news that much, not even the politic news. I decided to leave the country a long time ago and even though I am still homesick for it sometimes, I pretty much decided when I left, that I would probably never go back to live there again and with that I lost most of my interest in their politics. But I still read <a href="http://derstandard.at/">Der Standard</a> sometimes - because it's a good newspaper. And it didn't disappoint this time either. They were the first to inform me that all Austrian airports had re-opened on Monday. They also kept me updated on the "hight" of the ash and all that without being sensationalist about it.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">For good measure I also started reading the Dutch website <a href="http://www.nu.nl/">Nu.nl</a> and of course <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.klm.com">KLM</a> (the airline which hopefully will fly us to Amsterdam on Friday). Both websites, while not providing you with pages and pages of info, did provide me the most necessary facts.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">While I understand that reading about the volcano situation is not as important for Americans as they are not as impacted by it, I still think that it is somewhat condescending of the mainstream, American media to shut out international news as they do. I am not just talking about the case of the volcano - I found out about the earthquake in China by trying to find news about the flight situation on European news websites. I remember about a year ago when that earthquake in Italy happened - I was in New Orleans at the time - without internet connection and I was trying to find out more about what happened through TV and newspapers. But there was nothing about it except the mare mention of the fact that there had been an earthquake! I truly believe that Americans would be interested in what is going on in the world even if it happens on the other side of the planet. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">It has been 1.5 years since I left Europe and I NEED to get back, if just to burst my "Europe is so great"-bubble. Because while I often sound anti-American - I am totally aware that nothing is as good as you remember it. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px;font-size:medium;">So wish us luck that everything goes alright for us in the next three weeks!</span></div><div></div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-14455487838704716832010-04-15T11:36:00.000-07:002010-04-15T13:02:26.660-07:00Where I'm at<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgV1D2l8YhoJmbQzEu4nj6mWOZXZEaZGHIFQaQ5UQCrk_N2M7IK3n2EOI2kygVoxV-gXStErCdgoApEAsAiXkIGu16BcJCrCpky34fMPQb6NFNsswijE_s4gt5C8ViZDhTe_WUZfC_5LBb/s1600/IMG_4370.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 352px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgV1D2l8YhoJmbQzEu4nj6mWOZXZEaZGHIFQaQ5UQCrk_N2M7IK3n2EOI2kygVoxV-gXStErCdgoApEAsAiXkIGu16BcJCrCpky34fMPQb6NFNsswijE_s4gt5C8ViZDhTe_WUZfC_5LBb/s400/IMG_4370.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5460456977162966402" /></a><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">There are the kind of New Years resolutions you make and you know the moment you make them that you won't be able to stick to them - like "Cut out cheese and alcohol" or "work out every single day" or "call your mother every other day" (obviously those might not be a problem for you but I was never able to stick to any of those). But if you set yourself goals, it's different. I think the difference between a goal and a resolution is that you have to actively plan a goal to make it happen. And in the long run, this is what will enable you to achieve these goals. And of course, you'll need a little bit of discipline as well.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">For 2010 I had four main goals:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">1. Live a healthy lifestyle - which means learn how to cook better, learn how to use seasonal ingredients, cook organic, work out more - especially get some upper body strengths (as a photographer one has to be able to move quickly and lift heavy equipment)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">2. Learn to love myself</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">3. Make friends - make a conscious effort to stay in contact with new people you meet and you like (this for me is still the most difficult - I have met a lot of interesting people and I have had a much more active social life in the last 4 months than I had all of last year but I am having difficulties to get these new friendships to a deeper level)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">4. Become a professional photographer</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have talked about 1. and 2. a lot already and I feel like I am doing ok in these departments. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Both "Make friends" and "Become a professional photographer" kind of go hand in hand I have found. But more about that later.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Three years ago I started to take professional photography classes (via correspondence) at the <a href="http://www.nyip.com/">New York Institute of Photography</a>. I'll be honest with you - the first two years I got hardly anything done. I was still working full time, I had a very active social life and I just couldn't be bothered. If you have a working life - even if it's not the working life you want - it's difficult to motivate yourself to change that. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Last year I made the decision to work as a nanny and to use the time that the kid I am watching is napping, solely as studying time. I was able to make great progress and I am now done with these classes. It took me about 6 months to get the last 5 Units in. I still have to send in my final project but it's all done - I just have to find an envelope pretty much.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Still, I didn't feel nearly confident enough to try and make it as a professional photographer even with this education. I frankly had no idea where to start. But luckily that changed when a friend introduced me to Angie, a professional photographer. Angie invited me to a meeting called "<a href="http://fasttrackphotographer.com/">The Fast Track Photographer Chicago Group</a>". It was only their second meet up. The group refers to a book by a guy called Dane Sanders who wrote the book called - you might have guessed - "<a href="http://fasttrackphotographer.com/">Fast Track Photographer</a>". This book is being re-written right now and I am on a waiting list for it on Amazon but unfortunately I haven't been able to get my hands on an old version thus I haven't read it. But anyway - one of the main principles of the book is that while the photography business is very competitive, we will still be more successful if we co-operate and network with each other as photographers then if we bad-mouth or ignore each other.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Thus this group formed. The first time I joined I was at their second-ever meet-up in Chicago. There were about 20 people (by the third meet-up the number of people in attendance had doubled), it was at somebodies house. Everybody was extremely welcoming and open and for the first time I just felt like, I can do this. Some of these people had studied photography but a lot of them just started doing it because they like it. They had less photographic education than I had and they had become incredible, professional photographer nonetheless. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I did also realize though that if I wanted to feel completely at ease and comfortable with what I am doing, I would have to take more classes. A correspondence class can give you a lot of knowledge but some things are just easier if somebody shows them to you. So I singed up for two evening classes at the<a href="http://www.chicagophoto.org/"> Chicago Photography Center</a>. One was Fundamentals of Lighting - it covered mostly studio work - a topic I knew hardly anything about, the other class was "<a href="http://www.adobe.com/products/photoshoplightroom/">Lightroom</a>". I have taught myself some Photoshop but for an aspiring portrait and wedding photographer "<a href="http://www.adobe.com/products/photoshoplightroom/">Adobe Lightroom</a>" is much better and easier to use. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">On top of these classes, I took a few more workshops and seminars. I can tell you that the last two months have been super-busy for me. Especially considering that last year I pretty much did nothing at all except occasionally volunteering and my part-time nannying job. I finished my last class last Sunday and I had a seminar last night but this is going to be it for me until after my trip to Europe in a week. I am a little bit relieved to get a break from all this learning since I feel like I can't focus on anything but photography right now but at the same time it feels absolutely amazing to be a step closer to doing professionally what I have always been wanting to do professionally. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One thing you need to know if you want to become a photographer - you will always need to invest - in yourself and your equipment. I am shooting with a Canon 40D right now - an excellent camera and ok for portraits and most weddings but it has it's limitations and I will eventually have to upgrade to a better camera. I also just invested quite a bit of money into a professional lighting kit that I can easily take with me in the car for shoots. I can use it to build a studio pretty much anywhere (except underwater I guess). But keeping yourself educated is just as important. The seminar I was at yesterday was on how to be a good 2nd shooter at a wedding. A second shooter is a not-so-experienced shooter that basically is a mix of a photographers assistant (who does stuff like fetch the primary photographer a sandwich and park the car) and an associate photographer who takes pictures that the main wedding photographer might not be able to get. I was surprised to see a lot of established photographers there who shoot a lot of weddings as "primary photographers" - but as I said - you have to keep yourself educated. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">So, I already decided to sign up for another class for when I come back from my trip and I also decided to volunteer as an assistant to the photo teachers at the Chicago Photography Center as this is an excellent learning possibility.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Having done all of this I haven't really had much professional work yet. A big part of getting business is networking and this is one thing I haven't been great at. The photographers I know network all the time. They go to events and parties constantly. They all know each other. For me to go out there and talk to people I have never met is really difficult. I have been forcing myself to do it more but believe me, it's not easy. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I wish it could just be like "Look, I do good work, if you like my style - hire me!" but unfortunately networking is a big part of this game. So I am working hard on that. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I also found that there are two groups of photographers - the "mainly wedding" people - who are all super-outgoing and hug-y and sweet and who smile a lot and the more artistic photographers who usually end up becoming photography teachers to fund their artistic photography. Both kinds seem happy though but I am at a point where I wonder in which group I belong and if I can ever be the hug-y, smiley person that people like to hire as their wedding photographers. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So, sorry for my long rambling here. But this is where I stand. For those of you who read this blog because you are interested in what is going on with me - now you know.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">All in all, I have to say my life made a complete turn in 2010. It is so different from last year, it's incredible and I love it, even if it is a lot of work and I have to make myself do things that I am not always comfortable with. But that's what you have to do if you want to get further in life, isn't it? Being comfortable won't get you anywhere.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-27801823181692157672010-04-12T20:11:00.000-07:002010-04-14T05:41:17.724-07:00About organic chicken<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN1fmLqGdqUtPab0o3dNyxj0LTCLCiv9m93oGzmDjp_weorGMq3NHdXL9O61qEjDcygToqbE-HBRIk4Ng9IlZu4ViD8HZgoM-PthC7_lvQCQ7NW5OxKmihkkxpco61wsc_KVXrmlvxYw6p/s1600/IMG_5012.JPG" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN1fmLqGdqUtPab0o3dNyxj0LTCLCiv9m93oGzmDjp_weorGMq3NHdXL9O61qEjDcygToqbE-HBRIk4Ng9IlZu4ViD8HZgoM-PthC7_lvQCQ7NW5OxKmihkkxpco61wsc_KVXrmlvxYw6p/s400/IMG_5012.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459466684897236290" /></a><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Since I have started this blog people have found it a lot of different ways.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">1. I read a lot of other blogs and comment there and then people check out my blog.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">2. People search for a picture of Genesis on Google - I linked to a Genesis picture in my blog post "Prove Yourself" - how exactly that works, that I get about 3-6 hits a day through this picture, I do not know but if I ever start a blog for my professional photography stuff, I might have to link to that picture on there too.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">4. People put me on their blog roll on their own blogs (thank you!)</div><div style="text-align: justify;">3. People Google something and find my blog. Those can be all kinds of stuff like:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>"How to become a nanny in Italy" </i>(Sorry, no info about this here but I can help you if you ever want to become a nanny in Chicago!)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>"Cup of coffee"</i> (I do write about that!)</div><div style="text-align: justify;">or weird ones like <i>"bad boy anal beads"</i> (seriously - I don't know how somebody found my blog googling that but the fact that I just wrote this down will probably bring more people googling that term to my website)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But one search term that leads a lot of people to my blog is "Organic chicken" or "Pasture chicken in Chicago" and so I thought it might be a good idea to give you more info on the subject. I have become a lot more knowledgeable since my last post on the subject, so if you are still looking for an organic, pasture chicken (who are allowed to run freely, outside, eat grass and bugs instead of seeds) - here are a few tips:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">*Go to farmers markets - they are the easiest way to find pasture chicken - ask the people who sell the meat - they are usually also the people who raise the chicken. If you don't get straight answers, it's probably shifty and not what you are looking for. If they seem like they don't know what "pasture" means, find somebody else to buy your chicken from. If they can show you pictures of how their animals are living or if you have a chance to look up their farm online and you see that the animals are running around freely - you have a winner.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">*Go to www.eatwild.com - this is a website that will show you which farmers in your area sell organic and/or pasture meat, eggs and diary. It will also tell you when the farmer is where, so you can track them down.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">*Once you find an organic farmer but you don't live right next to them - find out when and where you can find them, where they have drop-offs - and then stock up. We have a tiny freezer but I could easily fit two whole, big (5 pound) chicken and a pork shoulder in there. And that didn't even fill up half my freezer. If I buy a big thing of bacon, I freeze it in bags of three or four strips which I then defrost when needed. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">*If you have a chance - go to local food fairs. I went to one about a month ago and I got a ton of information. I even bought some stuff there (there were about 4 meat vendors). </div><div style="text-align: justify;">*Consider joining a CSA - you essentially buy your way into a farm and you get part of whatever they reap - veggies, fruit and often also meat. Just make sure it's a good farm and you can afford it in the long run.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">*Be careful and consider what exactly you are looking for. What is important to you? That your family doesn't eat food that contains antibiotics or that the animals you are eating had a good life? For me - both are important and thus I make sure I know both are covered. But if you are mostly concerned about what goes into your body, buying amish chicken or normal organic chicken from the butcher or grocery store will do. Make sure that it says "Has never been fed antibiotics". As I have said before - Amish chicken is NOT pasture chicken! If you buy a chicken in a grocery store and it doesn't say "pasture" or "grass fed" on it - it is not "pasture" or "grass fed" because you can be sure they would want you to know about that and have you pay extra for it if it was. Also - I have never actually seen a pasture chicken in a store in Chicago.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now - eating pasture diary, eggs and chicken is a lot more expensive than eating normal chicken - I won't lie. But it's a decision you have to make for yourself. I went years saying "Yeah, I am all for animal rights if it wasn't so expensive to eat organic". And then I read Michael Pollans "In Defense of Food" and I thought to myself, I keep on talking about it, why don't I do it? At the same time I was sick of eating the same food and feeling like crap and not knowing what is going into my body, so I changed everything.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">You can do it too if you want to. It costs more but it will also make you less wasteful. I use every part of the chicken. I even use the intestines that come with it (I bake them and then put them in with the carcass when I make chicken stock). I get about 8 servings of chicken out of one bird, plus about 8 cups of condensed chicken stock which is better than any store bought stock. I cook big amounts and then freeze for the days that I don't have time to cook. I cook vegetarian a lot. I plan out meals for the week, including lunch and breakfast. In the end, I am not sure it costs us that much more because we waste a lot less. I used to throw tons of stuff away all the time because it went bad and I hardly ever do that anymore. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So if you want to do what I (and a lot of other people) decided to do - give it a go. You can always ask me if you have any questions about it!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now I am going to go and try to find out more about objects to put up your behind, so I am prepared for any upcoming questions.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-89272689031319617512010-03-25T07:20:00.000-07:002010-03-25T08:15:06.713-07:00My five favorite blogsI have around 100 blogs on my <a href="http://www.google.com/reader">Google Reader</a>, so it's safe to say that I spend a lot of time reading them. A lot of them are more "visual" blogs - fashion, interior, design, cooking blogs. What can I say - I like to look at pretty things.<div><br /></div><div>But there are a handful of blogs on my <a href="http://www.google.com/reader">Google Reader</a> which get me all giddy when I see that they have been updated. Here is a list - maybe you'll find a new favorite blog there too:</div><div><br /></div><div>- <a href="http://postsecret.blogspot.com/">Post Secret</a></div><div>Post Secret is an ongoing art project in which people send in their secrets on a post card. I have been reading this blog for about six years now and I support it by buying post secret books for friends and family as gifts. It sounds like a silly blog but it does so much - showing people that they are not alone. </div><div><br /></div><div>- <a href="www.jezebel.com">Jezebel</a></div><div>I only started reading Jezebel a few months ago but it's already one of my favorites. It is a feminist website which discusses everything from politics to celebrities and fashion. The discussions remind me of the discussions I used to have with my friends out in Amsterdam. The comments are moderated and to be a commenter you have to "prove yourself" by delivering a few funny, interesting, smart comments. If the moderators like your style (which doesn't have to mean that they agree with your opinion), your comments will be approved and you can become a commenter. This is one of the few politically minded websites where I actually read the comments. </div><div><br /></div><div>- <a href="http://polishorperish.blogspot.com/">Polish or Perish</a></div><div>Ok, here is a little secret - I am a nail polish fanatic. And there are lots of us out there. There are even blogs where people take pictures of their nails (I might have been known to do that myself sometimes ...) and post them on their blogs. In fact, there are very many blogs like that. And I have a lot of them on my Google Reader. With most of the blogs, I just look at the pictures. If I really like a color, I will read what people wrote about it. But I almost always read the blog posts on Polish or Perish - a blog written by seven PHD/Masters students who are all nail obsessed like me. They write about nail polish but also about how their studies are going and their personal lives. My favorite is "Kittytokaren" - her name is a <a href="http://www.cakemusic.com/">Cake</a> reference and at least in the beginning a lot of her blog posts had <a href="http://www.cakemusic.com/">Cake</a> references in them. And <a href="http://www.cakemusic.com/">Cake</a> happens to be one of my very favorite bands.</div><div><br /></div><div>- <a href="http://www.thekitchn.com/">The Kitchn</a></div><div>I read a lot of cooking blogs - especially since I started cutting out processed foods and eating organic/locally/seasonally. There is just something comforting about reading cooking blogs. There are never any nasty comments on their posts. The pictures look beautiful. And to see what people cook is like getting a peak into their personal life. <a href="http://www.thekitchn.com/">The Kitchn</a> is a bit different. It is part of <a href="http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/">Apartment Therapy</a> (which I read long before I discovered <a href="http://www.thekitchn.com/">The Kitchn</a>). It's written by several people. It is not a very personal blog. Recipes are only a small part of the posts on <a href="http://www.thekitchn.com/">The Kitchn</a>. There are posts and video tutorials about how to properly cut onions, how to take a whole chicken apart, how to re-finish cast iron skillets, ... I also love the posts where readers ask a question and the commenters answer - I have learned more about cooking from the comments on <a href="http://www.thekitchn.com/">The Kitchn</a> (which I have only been reading for about two months) than I learned in my 4 years of home ed classes in high school.</div><div><br /></div><div>- <a href="www.thekimchallenge.com">The Kim Challenge</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Kimberly Miller is a smart, cute, young actress/writer from New York who posts pictures of everything she eats. That is pretty much it in a nutshell but she also writes about her personal life, her life in New York, her fitness challenges, ... I first started reading her when she was one of the writers of "Elastic Waist" - a blog that unfortunately doesn't exist anymore (if it would, it would be on this list). When Elastic Waist folded (they were sponsored by <a href="http://www.self.com/">Self magazine</a> and I guess the magazine was making cuts), all the writers posted their personal websites and that's how I came to read <a href="www.thekimchallenge.com">The Kim Challenge</a>. Not only is it interesting to see what other people (who have similar food principles to myself) eat every day but I have also come to really like Kim personally. Yes kids, this is 2010 and now we read peoples blogs and feel like they are our friends even though they might know that we exist.</div><div><br /></div><div>I know the people who read my blog are not really avid commenters but if you'd like to come out of the lurking status, please let me know what your favorite blogs are! Because my Google Reader is always open for new additions!</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-12544704597090614712010-03-06T10:12:00.000-08:002010-03-08T08:40:41.936-08:00The life of Special K<div style="text-align: justify;">I still remember meeting my friend Ketil for the first time. I was sitting in Vondelpark in Amsterdam with my friend A who had just gotten me a job in a call center where she was working as well. It was my first real job. It was a sunny day. I felt excited and happy. Ketil worked at the same company I was about to work for. He was walking his bike through Vondelpark, a friend by his side. He stopped and said "hi" to my friend A who was really good friends with Ketils best friend. I thought: Wow, that man is beautiful. But not in a sexual attraction way - I somehow knew immediately that K was into men, even though he was not the kind of man with who you could just "tell". He was nice and had a British accent even though he was Norwegian (I later found out that he had lived in London and that's how he picked up his nearly perfect British English).</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Three months passed and my company had a Christmas party. It was at this design-y place that had areas set up like different rooms in an open space. I immediately noticed the "Scandinavian corner" on the black sofas - everybody was wearing black, everybody was smoking and everybody looked incredibly cool. I wanted to be one of them. Of course, Ketil was one of them.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">At the end of the night, before I left, K came to me and said "I heard from A that you are really into photography. I am too! Maybe we should take pictures together sometimes!".</div><div style="text-align: justify;">And that was the beginning of a really special friendship. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">We spent nearly every weekend together - either in the darkroom printing photos, out taking pictures or at a bar or coffee shop, Saturday or Sunday afternoon, drinking beer and smoking. The summers we'd be sitting at the canals and drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers or in Vondelpark, with some of our other friends. Through Ketil I learned that cheese, crackers, wine, tapenade and pate make the perfect meal. He taught me that all you need to be happy is a blanket, sunshine and good company. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">A few years after we first started hanging out, we created a little photography club with two other friends. We'd be meeting up every few weeks in the evening to seriously discuss photography but we just ended up drinking a lot and smoking pot and telling each other how incredibly talented we are. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">K always knew how to make me feel great. He was the first man who ever made me feel beautiful. He would compliment me constantly. One time he just looked at me and said "Wow, you look JUST like that girl from Lost in Translation" (he meant Scarlett Johansson - I don't look like her but I used to have long, blond hair and I have blue eyes, so it was at least a little bit believable). And whatever he said, it didn't sound phony. It sounded really genuine. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">In all those years that we spent so much time together we never once had an argument.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I hadn't seen Ketil in a few years. He left the Netherlands to move to Spain. I missed him so much and even though we tried to meet up a few times in Spain and the Netherlands, something always came up that prevented us from seeing each other. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">When I heard that he had died, I was surprised how much I am grieving and how I just can't stop thinking about him. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I haven't really lost a friend before K. So I am not sure how this is supposed to work. Like tonight I am supposed to go out to two parties. Part of me is afraid that I am going to get drunk and won't be able to stop talking about my friend. Another part of me thinks I really need distraction.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">All of a sudden it feels like I can remember ever single conversation I had with Ketil. And I am realizing how often I think about him - even before I learned about his untimely death, I'd think about him every time I say "cool" - because he would never say cool - always "coolio" which was funny because he was not the kind of guy who would ever use slang or say something pretentious. Or every time I go to the dentist I think about when I met up with him right after he had had a root canal and he told me that whenever he goes to the dentist he feels a little bit like he had been "raped in the mouth". </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I also remember one evening we spent talking about death and dying and how we think we are going to end up dying. And this is not how he was supposed to die. And when.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-32838044193114773692010-03-05T09:00:00.001-08:002010-03-05T09:53:05.284-08:00Losing a friend is like losing a part of yourself<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinestern/3327899091/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3646/3327899091_d23abdfa9e_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Rest in peace Ketil.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">You were one of the most beautiful people I knew. Inside and out. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">You always made me feel like a million bucks. You were smart and funny and creative and inspired people in so many ways.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I will miss you more than words can express.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-75548091295307445722010-02-19T08:39:00.001-08:002010-02-19T09:55:09.061-08:00Woman vs. Chicken<div style="text-align: justify;">I hate making roast chicken. It just really grosses me out. But I started making my own chicken stock about a year ago and once you have made and used your own chicken stock you can never go back to using bouillon cubes.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So about every three month, I buckle down and make a roast chicken, use the meat for tasty risottos and stews and curries and use the carcass to make stock which I then freeze in one cup portions.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Sure, there are other ways to make chicken stock, some people say <i>bette<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><i>r</i> ways. There is <a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/chicken-stock-recipe/index.html">Ina Gartens</a> famous chicken stock recipe which is supposed to be fantastic. Or <a href="http://www.amateurgourmet.com/2009/01/chicken_stock_1.html">The Amateur Gourmets chicken stock recipe</a>. But wasting that much chicken and not even getting to eat it, I morally just cannot get myself to do.</span></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">On top of that I found a new recipe - <a href="http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/chicken-recipes/chicken-in-milk">Jamie Olivers "Chicken in milk"</a> which I have been wanting to make since I first laid eyes on it and since we also just got ourselves a brand new <a href="https://secure.lodgemfg.com/storefront/product1_new.asp?menu=color&idProduct=4115">Lodge Dutch Oven</a> (the poor man's Le Creuset) that I had been dying to try - I knew it was time to face the chicken.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Since starting to follow Michael Pollans food principles I found that when it comes to meat - it is relatively easy to find grass fed beef in most grocery stores (I guess it has become somewhat of a foodie staple) but it is nearly impossible to get pastured chicken in Chicago, in the winter. In the summer, a lot of local farmers can be found at the farmers markets but there are only one or two weekly farmers markets which brave the winter. Through the <a href="http://www.eatwild.com/products/illinois.html">Eat Wild website</a> I found out that there is Farmers Market which sells pastured chicken but that's not happening for another 10 days.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So I made my way down to Chicagos biggest Wholefoods which apparently is the 3rd biggest Wholefoods in the world. There were three different kinds of whole chicken: Amish, "natural" (Wholefoods own brand) and Kosher. I checked all the labels and none of them said "pastured". A Wholefoods employee asked me if I needed help, so I asked him if Wholefoods sold any pastured chicken. His answer:</div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Erm, we have the Amish, which are Amish raised and the natural and then we have the Kosher. And erm, yeah, all our chickens are, you know, organic and all pastured and all that stuff."</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Clearly he didn't understand what pastured meant because I am pretty sure that if the chicken were pastured it would say so. A lot of people who buy their food at Wholefoods would spend extra to get a pastured chicken, I am sure.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">His response reminded me of the response I got from a Trader Joes employee after asking him if any of the beef they were selling was grass-fed. He had to go ask. When he came back he said:</div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Yeah, all of our beef is organic which means it is grass-fed." - Again - if the cows were grass-fed, I am pretty sure it would say. In fact, I had seen beef at a bigger Trader Joes that said in big letters "Grass-fed only beef".</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Anyway, I ended up grabbing one of the Amish chicken, hoping that this would be the best choice of the three.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">When I got home and I checked the recipe, I noticed that it asked for a 3 1/2 pound, organic chicken. I noticed that the chicken I had bought was 4 1/2 pounds. According to Michael Pollan pastured chicken are usually smaller, since they are outside and have to find bugs and grass to eat.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Had I, after all my extensive research, chosen an obese chicken?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">After doing some research now, I found out that Amish chicken are </div><div style="text-align: justify;">NOT free-range, they are antibiotic free though, at least.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The thing I hate most about preparing a whole chicken is sticking my hand up its behind to get out the insides. In most cases the insides are in a bag but I have had cases where they were just thrown in there loosely.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">In the case of this Amish chicken - this is what was inside:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><img style="text-align: justify;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px; " src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX4oCPk4SA5EDEfsuC2TzqLg6fl37mcbkqer5HcpVGgUT6oExZCfn3yrvKw_JIu-ultauak-tceRP1YHN_Iqxr7tqlk-1E2khnnpvbAKVe4Br0A1GebETvHFeVRfAre0l3k48XpIy3dyss/s400/IMG_4183.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5440006891093705202" /><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am not sure if it is visible from the picture but this bag is chicken-head shaped. Now, a headless chicken is disturbing enough for me to look at but the head? I know - it's most likely just the neck which people like to throw in the pot when they are making chicken stock but let's just say I was not brave enough to open the bag. It is in my freezer right now. I don't think I could have eaten the chicken if I would have seen its face.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The headless chicken itself looked like a headless baby. For me - roasting chickens always kind of look like headless babies but this chubby chicken even more so:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><img style="text-align: justify;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 270px; " src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTLdNEEytJfwu8lp9UpHznMlkAEphyegNy0Sn6j_KiAyNxixaNgBC6J27EO9vAGnK-Luh0pnY_mOQ-nFJ7l6ffuYTpVJLjNGALx-aMTZlxppeERmUFLF22qAQhsbjODuXZULKeF3ccCMZU/s400/IMG_4188.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5440010262095859506" /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I actually ended up apologizing to the chicken and thanking it for giving us its meat. I realize that probably sound somewhat nuts but I mean - look at it:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqPJxZ2PIYbAZj-SM0fXjU6IVOKwR4kjHkADRR5Rb9QrZEOr0WWhzghocShH2aFXpKF3owmG32nLKjR5BiboqkuOArj_HISMqvkQJcXwm5Yrb8qNJmiHDzHYxBLTunROel-BFWAfMtlCZP/s1600-h/IMG_4179.JPG"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqPJxZ2PIYbAZj-SM0fXjU6IVOKwR4kjHkADRR5Rb9QrZEOr0WWhzghocShH2aFXpKF3owmG32nLKjR5BiboqkuOArj_HISMqvkQJcXwm5Yrb8qNJmiHDzHYxBLTunROel-BFWAfMtlCZP/s400/IMG_4179.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5440011153801729122" style="text-align: justify;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px; " /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And this ladies and gentlemen is why I eat mostly vegetarian these days.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">(The "Chicken in Milk" was very tasty though and I can highly recommend it - especially if you like lemon - but make sure to read the comments under the recipe, since they give some good tips)</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-39583417647451032292010-02-18T07:33:00.000-08:002010-02-18T15:39:00.094-08:00Life changing<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I'll be honest. I sometimes wonder if I wasted a year of my life in 2009. Part of me believes I needed it to recover, to get strength and so on but then, I really didn't get anywhere last year. I spent a year mourning losses - the loss of my friends in the Netherlands, the loss of my career (even though I didn't like my career but at least it was something to be proud of), the loss of my independence (since I am not making enough money to be self-sufficient which is something that I am not entirely comfortable with, despite fully trusting my husband), the loss of my social life, ...</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I don't know how but with the end of 2009 I could finally stop mourning and start living my new life. I made a few "new years resolutions" but they are really much more than new years resolutions - they are what I need to do to get back on track and to get a life started that I feel is worth living. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I already talked about one of the resolutions - to respect myself. And to give you guys an update on this - it's going great and it has probably been one of the best changes I have ever made in my life.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Respecting myself means a lot more than to stop telling myself I am worthless (even though - just doing that already was a huge improvement to my life). It means respecting my body as much as respecting my mind. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Deciding to eat organically, to only eat animals and animal products like eggs and diary from animals who I know were treated with dignity and got to eat grass, like they were supposed to made a HUGE impact on my life. Seriously guys - if you have never had eggs from a farm where the pastured chickens are allowed to run around freely, eat grass and bugs instead of kernels, you are missing out!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">My breakfast most days of the week:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">A green smoothie</span></b></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 290px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiz-c7EvfOF63vuy3gEXckRVeUowEwSDy2mnz1hSUKDo3AwdB-0Ocw4oMfWJt-vimrdzJXfUKADTAWPwN-rVCT6nYWGOOThGtGmxYWbQ0jD4o6TjSSbMTskSH_qzBUMc9XkJOJ8vd6KnXc/s400/IMG_3940.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5439628657503081442" /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>How to make it:</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>1 cup of almond milk</b> (or soy or rice or hemp or regular milk but my favorite is unsweetened, vanilla almond milk)</div><div style="text-align: justify;">1 banana</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>frozen fruit of your choice</b>: I either make a "berry" one with frozen cherries, strawberries and blueberries or a "tropical" one with frozen mango, guava and pineapple. Sometimes I add peaches to either</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>one or two cups of dark green, leafy vegetables like spinach or kale</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>protein powder</b> of your choice</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>- put everything in a blender. Blend. Ready. The taste of the greens takes a little bit of getting used to and you can leave it out if you really don't like it but it's so packed full of nutrients that for me it's really worth to add it. I found that chocolate protein powder masks the bitter taste of the greens better than vanilla.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One of the best things I read was "Cheap food might be cheap right now but it is too expensive in the long run" - meaning the effects that cheap, mass-produced food have on the planet and on your body in the long run are just not worth it. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">And even though I spend a lot of money on food now, I waste a lot less. Our fridge is only half as full as it was before and I really try to use every morsel of food I buy. This involves a lot more planning but I don't mind. I also freeze a lot of food.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And completely unrelated - we booked our flights to Europe and we'll be in the Netherlands and Austria in less than 10 weeks. I can't wait! But more about that another time!</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-71183007018107385002010-02-01T11:35:00.000-08:002010-02-01T11:38:08.181-08:00Tales of Mere ExistenceI couldn't have said it better myself:<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; white-space: pre; "><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IQ5UVRWWO4I&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IQ5UVRWWO4I&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:85%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 10px; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:85%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 10px; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></span></div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-91735154128664220282010-01-14T19:13:00.000-08:002010-01-14T20:18:50.007-08:00In Defense of Food<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv89qHtPYhycpNX0plQ0gKqwviIshrVoKsH1fkicoSb0QNjsVudmheRYqr07UG8Ki22V84xZlmeROCi9gEDdhSl1gz2L5ceWKOpXnRcXWV1maJmlqNjDqoF4yxN3f1PoFPxhKb5mycEp26/s1600-h/IMG_8833.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv89qHtPYhycpNX0plQ0gKqwviIshrVoKsH1fkicoSb0QNjsVudmheRYqr07UG8Ki22V84xZlmeROCi9gEDdhSl1gz2L5ceWKOpXnRcXWV1maJmlqNjDqoF4yxN3f1PoFPxhKb5mycEp26/s400/IMG_8833.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426816173923624194" /></a><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One of my New Year's resolution is to cook more and especially - cook better. My goal is to use vegetables and spices which I have never used before and make dishes I have never made - or even tried. I also wanted to start cooking with better ingredients and start using local and "in-season" vegetables and fruits. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have always liked to cook but somehow I lost my cooking-groove since I have moved to the US. Stuff tastes different than it tastes in Europe. I didn't quite understand how all the recipes that I used to make in Europe with great success all the time didn't come out here. I just finished <a href="http://www.michaelpollan.com/indefense.php">Michael Pollan's book "In Defense of Food"</a> and things are a lot more clear to me now. For example - the butter in America is white - that was one of the first things I noticed in terms of food. In Europe - especially in Austria and Ireland - the butter is yellow, not white. I now know that American butter is white because the cows are corn fed. If cows get to graze on grass the butter will be yellow. There are a lot of reasons why it's better for cows to eat grass than corn but I am not going to go into it all now - if you want to know I recommend you read Pollan's book.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So I realized instead of trying to make my old stand-bys taste like they used to be I should just try new stuff. I decided that nutritionally and taste-wise it would be best to start eating food that is in season where I live. Right now a lot of different greens like Kale and Chard and squashes are in season. To be honest I have never really tried those foods. In Holland you can get whichever food you want whenever you want since most foods are either raised in green houses or imported from warmer places so I never thought about eating seasonally. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Well, let me tell you guys - this New Years resolution was probably the best New Years resolution I have ever made. In the past two weeks I have been in culinary heaven. For the first time since I have moved here I feel like I can cook. I have tried new recipes every night except once - when we went to a restaurant - a restaurant which follows the same food principles which I have been following (thus the food was incredible). I have cooked butternut squash, spaghetti squash (a squash of which the flesh looks like pasta and surprisingly tastes pretty similar too), kale (in many different ways), winter soups and my favorite - oven roasted grape tomatoes with rosemary, garlic and olive oil. I also try to cook mostly vegetarian and if I use meat, I try to use really good quality meat. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But not only have I really enjoyed every bite I have eaten in the last couple of weeks, I have also felt great. I am starting to think that those winter vegetables contain exactly the vitamins and minerals one needs to get through the winter without getting depressed and sick. One of the first dishes we made was a "green" soup with kale and spinach. The next day E and I felt energized and alive like we just got back from a long stay at a spa. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">In short - I have been feeling fantastic. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">If you are interested - here are Michael Pollan's 7 rules for eating - but please keep in mind that these make a lot more sense if you have read his book which I can very much recommend:</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i>1. Don’t eat anything your grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.<br />2. Avoid foods containing ingredients you can’t pronounce.<br />3. Don’t eat anything that wouldn’t eventually rot.<br />4. Avoid food products that carry health claims.<br />5. Shop the peripheries of the supermarket; stay out of the middle.<br />6. Better yet, buy food somewhere else: the farmer’s market or CSA.<br />7. Pay more, eat less.<br />8. Eat a wide diversity of species.<br />9. Eat food from animals that eat grass.<br />10. Cook and, if you can, grow some of your own food.<br />11. Eat meals and eat them only at tables.<br />12. Eat deliberately, with other people whenever possible, and always with pleasure.</i></span></span></div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-9939700960416445222009-12-31T09:22:00.000-08:002009-12-31T10:27:10.938-08:00R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKdCghrhyeKcwOmdET-Upi2CnvO0HlygdWr7JtIai7eIYxYhoFmpP_6cL7HF7O-O9oq_OSr-As_01dAMTDWsoJI9K4vb1EI5eDQRLdqyzjkYL0cBRbdkI6yDke_lEOvzJbk28ZgPVKivrR/s1600-h/IMG_0550.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKdCghrhyeKcwOmdET-Upi2CnvO0HlygdWr7JtIai7eIYxYhoFmpP_6cL7HF7O-O9oq_OSr-As_01dAMTDWsoJI9K4vb1EI5eDQRLdqyzjkYL0cBRbdkI6yDke_lEOvzJbk28ZgPVKivrR/s400/IMG_0550.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5421464487927090802" /></a><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me. That was what I wrote on my desk in high school. And kind of a life-long motto for me.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I was always a bit obsessed with feeling like people don't respect me enough. I have had heated discussion with superiors at work who I suspected didn't respect my work, I have dropped friends who didn't respect me enough to show up on dates, I have not gone back to stores where I felt I wasn't treated with respect. Treating people with respect and being treated with respect is important to me.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But in the last few weeks I had a light bulb moment when I realized even though I expect to be respected - I do not treat myself with any respect. In fact, if any of my friends would treat me the way I treat myself, I would have dumped them a long time ago.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The 3 year old girl I am watching - L - has a book called "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Im-Gonna-Like-Me-Self-Esteem/dp/0060287616">I'm gonna like me - Letting off a little self-esteem</a>". She has asked me to read that book to her a lot recently. And one day I asked her "Do you like yourself L?". I had asked her the same question about 3 month ago and back then her answer was "Yes! I am great!". Well, now the answer was "No ... I mean ... I don't know.".</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Of course I started listing all the reasons why she should love herself - she is witty and smart and funny and cute and lovable.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">But it's sad that a 3 year old is not sure if she really loves herself. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">If it is so shocking to me that a 3 year old doesn't love herself, why do I think it is ok that I do not love MYSELF? And how do I expect my future children to love themselves when their mother doesn't manage to even LIKE herself?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And that is when I decided I would start to work on that. Loving and respecting yourself if you haven't loved and respected yourself for at least the last 20 years doesn't just come naturally. You don't wake up one morning and are like "Yeah, I am great". And loving and respecting yourself doesn't mean that you can stop working on yourself.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">But self-hatred is destructive. And thinking back - nothing good ever came of self-hatred. I guess part of myself thought that if you hate yourself, it won't hurt as much if other people don't love you. But that's not even true.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">So really, there is absolutely no reason to not love yourself.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">As I said in my last blog post - I have big plans for 2010. Learning to respect myself is the most important endeavor though. I am writing about this because I think a lot of people don't respect themselves and maybe this will inspire them to make this their big endeavor for 2010 too.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-88578527115270674312009-12-27T11:28:00.000-08:002009-12-27T11:47:33.902-08:00And I'm feeling good<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFO50jAzcij8v5qgW6Bsnc8fMr_BXFOZtJmujPViPoU0u2Vx_aZBxGkXdj494HV4BuY2ldDSL2NVYRrnsFuPh674ZhIUzbupQvbMHGdyvBwY2e4RpgGZ_Nc7A-yEBIIFkCtxrcRJOjt6by/s1600-h/arrow.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFO50jAzcij8v5qgW6Bsnc8fMr_BXFOZtJmujPViPoU0u2Vx_aZBxGkXdj494HV4BuY2ldDSL2NVYRrnsFuPh674ZhIUzbupQvbMHGdyvBwY2e4RpgGZ_Nc7A-yEBIIFkCtxrcRJOjt6by/s400/arrow.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5420004605634729634" border="0" /></a><br />You know how I feel<br />It's a new dawn<br />It's a new day<br />It's a new life<br />For me..<br />And I'm feeling good<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I hadn't been feeling so good lately. I actually felt really, freakin' bad for a long time. I didn't know, I still don't know what was going on with me. But sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you just find yourself in a deep hole and you don't know how to get out of it. And most of the time this just lasts for a day or two. Maybe you've had too much to drink. Or something bad happened. But you get over it. But for me this has been taking a long time. Weeks. Maybe months. I don't remember. I had a few good, happy days (or should I say nights) in between but the next day everything just went back to normal. And in my case, normal was the deep hole that I couldn't pull myself out of.<br /><br />But then, out of nowhere, you see the light at the end of the tunnel. And everything gets better. Despite things not really being better. Despite the things that you thought made you so depressed in the first place still being very much present. You feel better. And better. And all of a sudden - you feel GOOD. And you can't believe you are feeling good because you thought you didn't remember how it was like to feel good. Not an alcohol or fun evening triggered good but a genuine good. A good that you expect to still be there the next day.<br />And maybe even the day after.<br /><br />I have big plans for 2010. 2009 was a year to get me sorted out. To find myself. To get some sort of sense to my life. I am not saying I have it all figured out but I have a plan. I have goals and I know what I want to do.<br /></div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-16690084471555065272009-11-26T11:38:00.000-08:002009-11-26T15:14:04.539-08:00Thanksgiving<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizl7XZMMiTM2UM7t1rBjNrS5Lf1HTWKfkiGcql6Mz_i4CU6cEmJuMyI5-xXnwpzAT-kGQd6wO1G_50dDWvC8sX15kimGa4V6SYfWEyPTETaguAai8IApUTa3M6JUmFDTPGwJ0PCKu2fR77/s1600/IMG_2466.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizl7XZMMiTM2UM7t1rBjNrS5Lf1HTWKfkiGcql6Mz_i4CU6cEmJuMyI5-xXnwpzAT-kGQd6wO1G_50dDWvC8sX15kimGa4V6SYfWEyPTETaguAai8IApUTa3M6JUmFDTPGwJ0PCKu2fR77/s400/IMG_2466.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5408553041781735602" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Today is Thanksgiving in this big country that is the US of A. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The thing I might like best about living in America is how people here celebrate the holidays. Decorating and cooking and dressing up and ... well ... celebrating.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I grew up in a household with hardly any tradition. I don't know if it's due to my mom being a buddhist (though she only converted when I was 16 years old) or my mom growing up in my grandparents restaurant where I am sure they had to work on all the major holidays. What good is it that your mother (my grandmother) is a trained chef when she has to cook for 400 people that night and you are not one of those people.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So Christmas for us was usually frozen pizza. I liked pizza and my mom always said that on a special day you should just eat what you like and not what people tell you to eat. I remember one Christmas Eve we went to MacDonalds. A special treat since at that time the only MacDonalds was reachable by car and we didn't have a car. That year, my aunt drove us to the drive through and got us our Christmas meal. I had a quarter pounder and a chocolate milk shake. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I never had carp or goose for Christmas (or any other time) - which in Austria is a traditional Christmas meal. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">We also didn't have a Christmas tree. My mom, a friend of the trees, literally (and yes, I know how to use that word, my mom speaks to flowers, she is literally a friend of the trees), didn't want us to kill a tree for Christmas. One Christmas when I was very little, we won a living Christmas tree in a flowerpot. That was the one year we had a Christmas tree.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So I think it is because of this lack of tradition that I grew up with, that I now crave it. This year I even put up Halloween decorations (we did have a Halloween party though).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I always hear people complain about how commercialized the holidays are. Oh my god, it's November and they are playing Christmas music in the stores! And they are already selling decorations! </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I don't think this way. I think this way I get to enjoy the holidays a little bit longer. Ok, usually by the second week of December I am pretty sick of hearing "Last Christmas" but apart from that I am a happy camper when it comes to all things holidays. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">It's a time where I start cooking and crafting and knitting and sewing and baking. Winter here (and pretty much every place I have lived) is dreary and depressing. Glitter and bright colors make it more enjoyable. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The Netherlands doesn't really do holiday celebrations. One reason is that they are celebrating "Sinterklaas" which is happening in early December instead of Christmas itself. Another reason is that they are just a lot more sober in general. I really missed seeing people decorate their houses. I missed seeing Christmas trees in windows (some people have them but a lot less people than in the US and Austria where almost everybody has a Christmas tree). There is this department store in the Netherlands called "De Bijenkorf" and I loved going there before Christmas because it was the only store that had made an effort with Christmas decorations. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Today is Thanksgiving and I am very thankful for so many things. I am thankful for my husband who is really the perfect person for me. I don't just love him. There is nobody in the world that I LIKE as much as him. If you have been together for almost six years and you still like being around each other and you miss each other even when the person is only gone of to work for the day, then you know that you are with the right person.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am thankful that at this moment we are both employed and that we have enough money to live comfortably. We might have a TV that's 30 years old but we have a roof over our head and heating and we don't have to worry that we will lose all of this soon and that is more than a lot of people in this country can say right now.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am thankful that both my husband and my parents are still alive and are not in a life threatening situation. I can't imagine anything worse than losing a loved one.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am thankful for finally making big steps towards my dream career of being a photographer.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">This year E and I will be spending Thanksgiving with just the two of us. We made enough food for 8 people but that is all part of the celebration. Cooking such a big meal together was fun and I am sure eating it will be too.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Enjoy the holidays, no matter which holidays you are celebrating! And when you get annoyed by the decorations and the music, think about February and how much you could use a little bit of the sparkle then. </div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-90394261498479528102009-10-22T06:56:00.000-07:002009-10-22T11:53:06.562-07:00One year in Chicago<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDLZEoP1VBh3e69yxLXqERYRlo8lX_YeZM_x9M6uXiWyXTqpoi0cL812rQvJ183Rin7srhZ2kre1C6BkSnClluptHJRD65J47VleDDmaKv1dcepRFFwxgwBCuVa59Y6Aqo6RttrQEtGpZb/s1600-h/IMG_8859.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDLZEoP1VBh3e69yxLXqERYRlo8lX_YeZM_x9M6uXiWyXTqpoi0cL812rQvJ183Rin7srhZ2kre1C6BkSnClluptHJRD65J47VleDDmaKv1dcepRFFwxgwBCuVa59Y6Aqo6RttrQEtGpZb/s400/IMG_8859.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395499187348767314" /></a><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Exactly a year ago E and I took our cat, four bags and a big poster box and made our way to Chicago.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">When I moved here I was expecting a lot and nothing at all. "You are so social, you make friends easily", "You will have so much fun!", "Americans are so open, it will be really easy to meet new people" my friends in Holland were telling me. Of course, as you know if you have been reading this blog it has been a lot harder for me to make new friends than I could have imagined. It has been harder to find a job. A lot has been harder than I had expected. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">That doesn't mean that it hasn't been great. Not all the time but a lot of the time.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The biggest change was probably the change in myself. I have gotten calmer and friendlier and more like myself. More like I want to be, at least on the inside. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Six years of Customer Service really did a number on me. Especially the last year when I managed a team. I hadn't realized how hard I have become, how rude and snappish. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Of course I didn't enjoy having to look for a job for such a long time when I moved here. It made me feel like a loser. But it's also what I needed. I needed the time off to just become a normal person again. To be sane again. And to realize what I want.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Here are some of the things I discovered that I like and don't like about the US. Let's start about what I don't like:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>*Feminism or the lack thereof</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have always been an advocate for women's rights. As a teenager I first joined an Amnesty International group for women's rights. I tried and still try to educate people about all the horrible things that are being done to women around the globe. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">When I moved to the US I was shocked how many people here still live in the 50s when it comes to emancipation. I just saw a report on this on TV where they said that since the 50s the number of American men who help in the household has doubled - from 15% to 30%. They thought this was a great development. I say SERIOUSLY? You think that's great? This number should be much much higher. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">In Holland I would not have called myself a feminist. My views are moderate. I believe in equality for all people, women, men all races, all incomes, no matter what sexual preference you have. I think everybody should be treated fairly and the same way. I don't think women are better at anything just because of their gender. I don't think women should have more rights than men. I believe in EQUALITY. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Well, in America my views make me a raging feminist. I read a few American feminist websites and I am surprised how many women on there think that the 50s were a much better time for women to live in. Who want to live in the world of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_Men">Mad Men</a>. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am getting pissed off just looking at the commercials. There is one commercial for a dust cleaner in which they lock a woman into a glass walled, dusty room. She begs her kidnappers to let her out of the room because she has to pick up her children from school. Of course she can't help herself but start cleaning when she sees all the dust. When she is finished she has a satisfied look on her face, as if she had just made love. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">There are NO commercials showing a man clean. Or cook. Or do something with his children (unless it's with his boys and they are playing sports outside). </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The <a href="http://i3.ebayimg.com/02/i/001/0e/76/7433_35.JPG">"Girls Only" toy cleaning set</a> will surely show your girl her future place in the family!</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Of course not everybody is like that and there are plenty of emancipated women living in the US but compared to the Northern European countries - even to a lot of the Southern European countries the US is still behind. And unfortunately - it's the women's own fault. Because it's more important to be appealing to men for them than to stand up for themselves. And this is what bugs me most.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b> *Social/racial differences</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Chicago is a segregated city. We have the white North of the city. The safe side. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">And we have the black and hispanic South side. The poor side. The criminal side. Did you hear about the young boy who was beaten to death in front of his school? That was on the South side. White people don't go to the South side. With a few exceptions - like my friend who happens to be a one of the teachers of this boy who got beaten to death on the South sides. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">The stories I have heard from my friend, the teacher are horrendous. See, that boy was just one of many students who die of violence in this neighborhood every year. The kids - high school kids - can barely read. They grow up not expecting to have any future. The main funding for schools are from the taxes from their neighborhood. Since most of the people on the South side are unemployed and live in poverty of course they are not getting many taxes from them. What a great way to keep the poor people in poverty and the rich people rich. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And you have this happening all over the US. About a week ago we drove up to Milwaukee, along the lake. We saw some gorgeous villages with perfect little houses, perfect lawns, perfect trees, perfect school. Beautiful. Whitey towns. And then in between those gorgeous little towns you had run down villages. Houses that were falling apart. Dirty streets. Liquor stores on the main square. On the streets you only saw black people.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have heard people say that it's their own fault. America - the country of unlimited possibilities. Well, your possibilities are very limited when you never really learned how to read in school. When you are just trying to survive everyday. When your world is full of violence. When you never really knew anything else.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I myself come from a very poor background. Of course - in Austria being very poor means you still have food on the table most days and you still get to go to any school you want (we don't have many private schools and they are not necessarily better than public school in Austria anyway). I didn't have things like birthday presents or parties and I spent maybe $50 a year on clothes (which is probably why I am somewhat addicted to shopping now) but I still lived. I had problems at home and moved out when I was 17 years old. Thanks to the Austrian social system I could pay for a place to live and with the help of summer jobs I managed to provide for myself enough to finish school. I didn't have it easy but I had a future. Here in America this would have been a lot harder. My life is NOTHING compared to what so many people have to deal with here every day.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>*Health insurance</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">This is the country where a one year old, solely breast fed baby was refused health insurance because apparently he was too fat! At the same time a two year old girl was refused health insurance because she was too skinny. The health system is run by the insurances. People have no rights. It's ridiculous. It needs to be changed and I really, really, really can't fathom how anybody could not agree with this. But so many people don't. I don't get it.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I hear a lot of Americans saying that the European social system (of course there is not just one) is flawed and that they are afraid that Obama will make America "just like Europe" (oh the horror! They might end up with 25 holidays and the right to health insurance even if they have a pre-existing condition!). I have to say - I hope Obama does JUST that (but he won't).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>*Body image</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I don't get it. So many American women look up to French and Italian women. They admire how they age gracefully (no Botox!), how they don't wear much makeup, how they don't blow dry their hair, how they are so wonderfully and seductively imperfect. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Yet, they do everything to be perfect all the time. To conform. Everybody in America wants to look the same. Everybody wants to be 5.6 ft (or taller), skinny, with big boobs, with blow-dried light colored, shiny hair, perfect nails, perfect teeth, perfect, tiny noses, wrinkle-free skin - flawless. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">When did we forget that people don't all look the same? And that this is ok? We don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">TV and magazines are full of photos bashing people for not looking like they are supposed to look like.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">About a month ago <a href="http://miaamber.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/lizzie.jpg">this picture (NSFW)</a> caused an uproar in America. It was published in Glamour magazine. Most people said that they loved it. Finally a woman in a magazine who is not perfect but who is still beautiful. And then you had quite a few people who said that it is damaging to put a picture like this on a website. That it glamorizes obesity. What a bunch of crap. This woman is normal. She would have been normal in the 50s. She would have been normal in the 1820s. She is normal. She might not be what people are used to see in a magazine but she is not obese. Just like really skinny women are normal. Women have come in all shapes and sizes - always (except in times of famine). So have men. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I think the yearning for conformity not only creates a bad body image in young people but it also makes life a lot more boring. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But of course it's not all bad. There are a lot of things I like and appreciate about the US:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>*Culture</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">On one side there is this really conservative part of American culture that I really don't like but on the other side there are the liberal, open-minded people who I like very, very much. And there are more and more of them. There are so many things I am interested in that most Europeans are not interested in. I started so many conversations in the Netherlands, talking about TV shows or music or fashion or home projects and people had no idea what I was talking about. In Austria nobody ever knew what I was talking about. Since I have moved here I have found quite a lot of like-minded people when it comes to my interests. It is strange that I had to move to a different continent to find people who are interested in all the same things I have always been interested in. All my life I have looked for a culture that I fit in - goths, punks, hippies, alternative, fashionistas ... I am not any of this but I am a little bit of all of them and so are a lot of people here. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>*Manners</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">On Sunday we flew back from New Orleans. We did a curb-side check in. When we stood in line - just when we were going to be next, a young woman pushed right in front of us. She said she was late for her plane and she wants to check in her bag. The woman at the counter said she would help her - right after she helped us - since we were next in line. The woman complained a little bit but eventually stood back.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I'll confess something to you - I am kind of anal and moments like that give me great joy. I really hate when people don't adhere to common rules of society. I think most rules are there to make our life easier and if everybody would follow them everything goes much more smoothly.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">And in America most people think just like me. When this woman pushed in front of me, I was surprised. That doesn't happen to me in America. This is not common here. It is in the Netherlands though. In the Netherlands people push, forge ahead, elbow wherever they can. It's all about them getting somewhere first. I have had times when I couldn't get on a train a. because the train company neglected to send a train long enough for all the people who wanted to get on and b. because people were so brutal, pushy and forceful that I decided it would just not be worth it to get to work black and blue. Standing in a line, waiting for anything, you can be almost certain somebody will try and push ahead of you. It's pretty stressful when you have to keep an eagle eye out in the grocery store because people just don't respect the fact that you stood in line ahead of them.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Not having to worry about this is a big stress relieve for me and I often remind myself of this when I am standing in a line at the supermarket - or at the airport.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>*Customer Service</b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">What can I say. I like not having people forget about my orders. I like that things get done in time. I like that if I send a letter complaining about something I can be almost certain to get an answer. I like that if I send a letter of cancellation to a company - whatever I want to cancel actually gets cancelled! </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Those are all things that seem very normal in America but are not normal in the Netherlands (Austria is not like that though! It doesn't have anything to do with the social system). </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I don't care if waiters and waitresses work for tips, I like to be smiled at and to get my food in under an hour. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">From experience I know that it will take me much longer than one year to really get to know and understand the American culture. But I do feel at home here. Bad stuff and all. </div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-328198829939948171.post-81731879603918999112009-09-10T12:14:00.000-07:002009-09-10T13:29:17.275-07:00Last Days of Summer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXj3iVT1ISHWXRCp9HRc5PdY-ikgd8ExzW7KP24BOdWa0Ab-cOhs-1j-A2u1CF3ZxCJctnCiT7A5wo9_nHyhscSuOsCmyAgq0iNhyphenhyphenbmREB4BzChU6sjE_rOD7rxfaenMUCh-jZWFzCgTu3/s1600-h/IMG_8718.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXj3iVT1ISHWXRCp9HRc5PdY-ikgd8ExzW7KP24BOdWa0Ab-cOhs-1j-A2u1CF3ZxCJctnCiT7A5wo9_nHyhscSuOsCmyAgq0iNhyphenhyphenbmREB4BzChU6sjE_rOD7rxfaenMUCh-jZWFzCgTu3/s400/IMG_8718.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379938500313558114" /></a><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">As you probably have guessed, the fact that you haven't heard from me in a long time means that I have been busy.<br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">In the last month I have been to Indianapolis, Ohio, Northern Michigan, I have gotten certified in CPR and First Aid, I have finally gotten my American drivers license and most importantly - I found a job.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am now a nanny. Maybe that's not something you expected but it works really well for me, especially since I only work two days a week (I am still hoping to get another job for one or two more days).</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I started working as the nanny of a beautiful, well-behaved almost 3 year old little red headed girl three weeks ago and so far I enjoyed it more than any other job I have ever had (granted I haven't actually had a lot of jobs that I enjoyed).</div><div style="text-align: justify;">It is amazing what having a job does to you. I am way more organized, motivated and I got more done in my Photography studies in these last three weeks than I have in the whole year before. I tell you guys - having a reason to get up in the morning completely changes your life!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have been in the US for almost 11 month now and I finally feel integrated. I finally feel like this is my home. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The decision to become a nanny didn't come naturally for me. In fact, when we first moved to the US a few friends asked us, I think jokingly, if I wanted to be their nanny since I used to be an AuPair 8 years ago. It was my first job in the Netherlands and I have to be honest with you - while I had a great time not having to worry about housing and food and I got to spend a lot of time hanging out with other AuPairs (I met some of my best friends that way) I didn't really enjoy it. I guess I kind of didn't like children that much and what I liked even less was working for families - in particular Dutch families who are famous for always feeling like they are paying you too much when really, they are paying you less than the minimum. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But I grew up and I changed and I started liking children which was more surprising to me than anything. I still don't like ALL children but I like most children and I LOVE the little girl I am taking care off. If I could adopt her, I would. I like her that much. I hope the parents don't read this. I don't want them to think I want to steal their child. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Anyway - when our friends (jokingly?) asked me if I'd be interested at all to be their nanny, I said "No, no way". I still don't think I would want to be a (paid) babysitter for friends (babysitting as an auntie is a different story), it would be awkward to get paid by your friends and it would be equally unpleasant to give or receive negative feedback. Well, maybe that would work for some people but I wouldn't like it. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Also - I have to say - in Europe going from being a manager to being a nanny is something very embarrassing. In America this is much less of an issue since having no work usually means having no income. That's why you have people with PHDs working at Mac Donald's right now. In Europe you can usually afford to be unemployed for six month or a year because the government gives you enough money to comfortably live on which gives you enough time to keep looking for a job you really want. When I first moved here I just couldn't possibly imagine going back to something I did when I first started working. It would be like climbing down the career ladder.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So, why did I decide to become a nanny? Well, when I was having trouble finding a job, I made a list of things I want in a job. And nannying turned out to tick all the boxes.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Things I am looking for in a job:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">*No drama</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">In my previous job I was managing six women. Three of these women were older than me. It was constant drama. There was always something going on: bitching, back stabbing, gossiping, people not doing their job, other people overdoing it with their job and being angry at people who didn't do their job ...</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I was in this managing position for one year and I decided that this is not for me. Even when I wasn't the team leader there was constant drama. I had mild anxiety attacks and insomnia. I started knitting every evening for an hour to get my mind of all the drama. It worked. The winter of 2007/2008 I made four scarves.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">*No customer service</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">After being an AuPair my first job was working for a telephone company as a call center agent. In the beginning I liked it, as crazy as it sounds but I like talking to people, I like solving problems and I am actually quite good at calming people down. Well, after six month I had had enough of being yelled at all day. Still, I stayed in the business of customer service and complaint handling for six years. The last three years I was working with stores though, which is a little more professional than talking to people who call in to complain that their phone bill is 2 cents more than last months, when really, they didn't call any more than the previous month!</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Unfortunately I was working for a clothing manufacturer, providing to individual stores and I didn't know that at the time I started but people who work in Fashion are not necessarily the most reasonable crowd. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I don't think a lot of people can stand working in customer service for six years, so I definitely have had it. I was overdue. Never again.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">*Earning at least $10 an hour</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">You wouldn't believe it but most office jobs I looked at wanted to pay $8/hour! I used to earn a lot more. I am OK with not earning nearly as much as I used to but I am not OK with earning $5/hour after tax. Being a nanny pays more than these office jobs. It doesn't come with any benefits unfortunately (I does though if you are a full time nanny) but I heard that most part-time jobs in the US don't come with benefits. Oh and I will be paying tax on my earnings, in case you were wondering. I am a good immigrant. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">*No sitting around in an office all day</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I really wanted a job I could be a bit active in. A few of my choices were mail woman (but you earn very, very little and you have to wear ugly, uncomfortable uniforms), bike courier (I had been thinking about this a lot but I am just too slow on my bike, especially compared to the crazy cyclists here) and dog walker/cat sitter (this was my number one contender until our cat sitter gave me six forms to sign, afraid I would sue her if something happened to one of the cats while we are gone - too much trouble, also you only earn about $8 per walk). As a nanny I get to be a bit active - we go for walks, we run around the apartment, playing tag - there is always something going on.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It turned out nannying full-filled all of these requirements - plus - when the girl naps and once I have done a bit of cleaning up - I get to study for an hour or two which is how I got so much studying done these past few weeks.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Luckily I realized that having a job you enjoy is much more important than the status a job comes with. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am probably not going to be a nanny for the rest of my life but until I finish my studies and until I am starting to get some business in as a photographer, I will be doing this. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Because I chose to.</div>The Austrianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02928797346678851497noreply@blogger.com0