Sunday, December 27, 2009

And I'm feeling good

You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me..
And I'm feeling good

I hadn't been feeling so good lately. I actually felt really, freakin' bad for a long time. I didn't know, I still don't know what was going on with me. But sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you just find yourself in a deep hole and you don't know how to get out of it. And most of the time this just lasts for a day or two. Maybe you've had too much to drink. Or something bad happened. But you get over it. But for me this has been taking a long time. Weeks. Maybe months. I don't remember. I had a few good, happy days (or should I say nights) in between but the next day everything just went back to normal. And in my case, normal was the deep hole that I couldn't pull myself out of.

But then, out of nowhere, you see the light at the end of the tunnel. And everything gets better. Despite things not really being better. Despite the things that you thought made you so depressed in the first place still being very much present. You feel better. And better. And all of a sudden - you feel GOOD. And you can't believe you are feeling good because you thought you didn't remember how it was like to feel good. Not an alcohol or fun evening triggered good but a genuine good. A good that you expect to still be there the next day.
And maybe even the day after.

I have big plans for 2010. 2009 was a year to get me sorted out. To find myself. To get some sort of sense to my life. I am not saying I have it all figured out but I have a plan. I have goals and I know what I want to do.

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