So, I went to Europe and then I went to San Francisco and I had two amazing holidays and I am going to need to talk about that more but right now - I want to talk about something else.
I want to talk about dreams and aspirations.
One thing I have learned since living in the US is that you have to have a goal. Something to aspire too. And then you need to make a plan and you need to talk to people and find information on it and then you need to work really hard to get to were you want to get to.
For the first time, maybe in my life, I know exactly what I want.
The last six months I spent taking classes, updating my equipment and taking a million and one photographs. Of everything - my coffee cup, my friends, the cafe in Amsterdam I used to hang out at a lot ... I also went out and talked to people. I forced myself to get out of my shell - and believe me - I am still forcing myself every day. This is not something that comes natural to me - as I have said before. I am not an introvert person - I am just shy. Once I know people a bit more, I am actually quite extrovert but being in a group of 30 people and I not knowing them - it's tough. But it's necessary.
Taking those classes did wonders for my self confidence. Do I think I am all that now? No. I have to work a lot harder to get where I want to get to. What is my ultimate goal? I want to take pictures like Annie Leibovitz. Obviously she has 20 years of experience on me. She has better equipment. She is most likely way more talented than I am but if I am going to aspire to something, I am not going to chose somebody who is just a little bit better than me. Because, whats the point?
The thing I like most about my photography is that it gets better with every shoot. What I can do with lighting after taking several classes on lighting, compared to what I could do in November last year - is WORLDS different. And the mere fact that I am not afraid of taking pictures in low light situations anymore - it opens a whole other world of photography for me.
But as I said - I am still working and learning and taking classes and while I am starting to get some paid work (and hopefully it will be more and more) - I don't think I will ever stop learning and hopefully continue to improve.
Don't get me wrong - it's all a slow process. I have been taking pictures for 15 years. I took my first class when I was 13 or 14 years old. And only now am I getting to a stage where I feel comfortable enough (sort of) to ask people to pay me for my work. And now I am in the process of having the people around me to take my photography serious. I have had a lot of people tell me "So you are taking this whole photography thing serious now, huh?" and to be honest - that bothers me a little bit. Because I have been taking it "serious" for years - I was just not confident enough to point it out. I have called myself an "aspiring photographer" for way to long. I am a PHOTOGRAPHER, dammit.
But at the same time I have gotten so much support from friends and family. It's really overwhelming and I am so thankful to have such great people in my life!
So - the bottom line is - find a goal and find a way to get there! It might take years, it might take me 20 years to get to the stage I want to get to with my photography. But I won't give up.